31 December 2008

Working

Well, at least I know writing here everyday is working. I swear part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night was that I didn't do any writing yesterday.

I thought, since I'd had two beers, last night would be a good night to skip the sleeping pill. Apparently, I was wrong. I was up at 1:00pm. I was up at 3:00pm. I tried moving to the couch in my office, which usually works. Nope. So, at around 3:30, I went back to bed and finally got some sleep. Then the alarm went off. Then the dogs needed to protect me from the cat by barking their little heads off.

Needless to say, I am a little grumpy today.

29 December 2008

Re-Thinking

Registration is not over yet and I'm sure this will all change; however, yesterday, when I looked at my course registration there were only 5 people. 5 people. I cannot run my syllabus will 5 people. There are too many group projects. Having only 5 people would put too much work on them. So, today, I'm trying to come up with alternate projects. It's best to be prepared.
Plus, I've asked them to buy certain books, which means the course will have to stay pretty much the same. Unlike, regular faculty, I don't think they can cancel my course, which means I'll have to go forward-the question is how? It's not that I can't do it. It's jut more work for everyone involved.

28 December 2008

2 1/2 pages...

2 and half pages were all I could muster today. No, not of my dissertation. Although my life didn't flash before my eyes and I didn't see a bright light of any kind, it seems that everything has to be re-lived in order to get the present right. At least I got something done. Hell, maybe I'll edit it all out anyway.

I got Depeche Mode's "Violator" album for Christmas--I still really like it. How's that for a smoke bomb? Changed the subject didn't it.

27 December 2008

Opinions


If you'll remember, I created this lovely board when studying for comps. It was a lovely system inspired by "The Board," but now it needs new life.

I want to keep the taped up sections. I like them. What I would like are suggestions about how best to use this board. Creativity counts. Oh, and it is now in this position on my wall. It will be much more useful there than in the yarn closet.

Chores...

Since, I cleaned my room yesterday, I should probably attack our bedroom today. I just don't feel like it. There are some crochet projects I need to work on, but I don't feel like that.

In fact, I don't feel like much of anything. Cleaning my room was supposed to make me feel like working. No so much. Maybe I instinctually know that working will make my room messy again.

Today, I'm supposed to hang out with Poetpixie. I have no idea when or what we will do, which is par for the course. Before she gets here I'll see if I can muster up a post with some content.

26 December 2008

Decor...


After a year of living here, I figured it was time to start decorating my office. It's not done yet. There are a couple more posters to put up. I'm also thinking of putting up some cork board and my Board from comps. I haven't figured out how yet, but I will make that useful.

The process...












Okay...clearly I need to learn more about adding pictures, but here is the after, halfway, and before of cleaning my office. Now, I just have to hang my posters.
Last night, it felt like I had a lot to say, but this morning there isn't much. It's amazing how my self imposed "day off" made me feel like I NEEDED to write. Now, I just have to transfer this energy.

Yesterday was great. We stayed in our pajamas all day, I made a ham and cheesy potatoes, and we watch Criminal Minds all day. Seriously, someone got me season 3 for Christmas and we stuck it in. There is at least one episode and some special features left over for today. After that, we can start on Generation Kill. Hmmm. Plus the Dark Knight.

I am still stuffed up and high on cold medicine. It's pretty annoying. I also need to clean my room. I thinking about starting that project today. It will definitely take some time. When it is done, I'll post some before and after pictures.

Just now, I heard this on the bbc. "The death of Eartha Kitt, mesmerizing singer and sex symbol." It just struck me funny.

I should have taken some notes from yesterday. There really was something to say. Now, it's gone.

25 December 2008

Merry Christmas Everyone!

24 December 2008

Inside Higher Ed...

I was going to say a lot of snarky things about this IHE.com article, but I realized everything I wanted to say was in the comments already. I also don't have the energy for invective right now. There is one thing I would like to bring up. Although, I was edumacated to teach rhetoric in the writing class and I think it works well, I think the impetus to critique the idea is a good one. Change is only possible when we critique what is happening. To me, it's just that the answer is NOT to go back to teaching only Literature. I don't have an alternate right now. Maybe so much time shouldn't be spent pointing out what Joseph Kugelmass got wrong (and there was much of it that was wrong) and, instead, spend that energy on questioning our own practices.

Also, I just want to point out that I have only spent two weeks reading IHE and I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

23 December 2008


Excuse me for the messed up formatting. I'm sick and I don't want to do this again. Also, there what ended up being a pretty big, cut and paste seciton. This is all from an article titled "The Adjunctification of English" at insidehighered.com. I saw this last week when Dr. Heidi posted it; however, I didn't read it until today. Dr. Heidi's take on this was more about the poor economy and the lack to tenure-track jobs. My take is a little different. Let's begin with the opening line....


Without anyone paying much attention, professors have substantially been replaced by part timers and those off the tenure track when it comes to teaching English and writing to undergraduates.


WTF? Are you serious? Whether or not the MLA has put out a press briefing, this is not a current issue. Anyone involved in teaching composition can tell you that. However, this is continually treated as a "new" development until well down into the article there is this quotation from Cheryl Glenn.


Cheryl Glenn, the chair and a professor of English and women’s studies at Pennsylvania State University, noted that there were many similarities between the MLA’s report and a statement adopted by the writing instructors in 1989, which lamented the “enormous academic underclass” created by the use of adjuncts to teach writing, and called for programs to rely on tenured and tenure-track professors. She said it saddened her that so little progress had been made since 1989, but that the MLA had framed the issues well.


Yes, people in composition and rhetoric have been writing about this "new" problem for years. In fact one of the reasons I continued on to my PhD program was to study this problem. Over the years, my ideas shifted, but that doesn't mean this problem was solved. Go back and read some Bill Readings and Eileen Schell.

Although I am not technically an adjunct, my "Teaching Assistantship" means I occupy a very similar place in the University. In fact, for the University, it is a better place. I do the work of an adjunct, for less, pay for credits while I do it, and they get to say they provide 'experience.' One of the reasons I do not, like many of my colleagues, seek other teaching employment is because it would mean being an "adjunct" somewhere else. Not everyone has the opportunity to eschew that position, but it is important to me to stay out of that system. Until there are jobs, there will always be a cheap labor pool. While there is a cheap labor pool, Universities will use it. Who knows, when I am done here I may have to adjunct somewhere, but there is always the option to be Dr. Barista somewhere.

I want to be clear about one thing. These are my views and only that. I am not saying no one else should ever adjunct; however, if I can avoid it, I will.

Just don't get me started on the other issue here, which is why this is all a problem now that MLA noticed it, but didn't seem to be a real issue before. That is an entirely different rant. Since, I've been told I am a closet Victorianist, I should probably keep my mouth shut about that.


Notes from the Lake House...

Last night I stayed over at the Lake House. It seemed like a good idea. It really was a good idea. Onyx eventually layed on me and even purred. The only part of it that wasn't a good idea was that I got sick yesterday. I spend all night blowing my nose. You should see the pile of Kleenex on the CPs coffee table.

I'll look for something academic to write about, but that probably won't happen until later.

22 December 2008

Admissions

I'm going to include a long cut and paste here, sorry. I'll discuss this below.

How do you encourage students to spend their summers? Are professional work experience or programs abroad viewed positively or can some become too gimmicky?
- Evan

Answer

Mr. Syverson of Lawrence: This was addressed well by one of my colleagues yesterday. Students should follow their passions and develop the aspects of their personalities and proficiencies that are most exciting to them, not the ones they think will best “package” them. Far too many students are spending far too much of their young lives attempting to do “what the colleges want to see in an applicant” in order to someday gain admission to some highly idealized (often hyper-selective) college. Loren Pope, one-time editor of the New York Times Education Section, who passed away earlier this year, spent much of his latter years promoting the concept that the quality of a student’s college education has more to do with the student’s engagement than with the specific college. Through books like “Beyond the Ivy League” and “Colleges That Change Lives” he argued that there are many wonderful colleges in the U.S. that offer an educational experience as good as (or better than) those at the highest profile colleges (albeit without the pedigree). The college search should focus on finding a college that is a good match for the student – not just the most selective place to which they might gain admission.

Answer

Mr. Brenzel of Yale: We encourage students to make use of their summers in the way they find most interesting. If they undertake a specific program, it should be because it appeals strongly to them, not because they imagine it will look best on a resume. Why? First, it is frankly impossible to know what will look best to a particular admissions committee at a particular college. Trying to outthink or outguess the admissions committee strikes me as a useless exercise, though many book authors and private consultants purvey the illusion that they can do this for you. Second, for both education and life, the best program is the one that you find most valuable for yourself at this point in your life. We also honor and value summer jobs; for many students they are necessary and for others they can be just as important a learning experience as anything else. What’s important to us in not what you chose to do for the summer, but what you got out of it.

Answer

Mr. Poch of Pomona: While unusual activities may add a great deal to a student’s experience and have a profound effect on their world view, for some it just comes across as decorative, not substantive. Is a special experience or summer expected or a minimum requirement? No.

Many of those “special” experiences reflect the educational and economic background of the family more than the curiosity or talent of the student. For example, I believe most admissions officers would assume it’s not fair to expect a student who works and contributes to family expenses to take an overseas internship. I confess I often wonder why some students who live in areas that have many social service needs unaddressed will ignore the local situation but move to another country to perform a similar social service. Is it really a service trip or is it a summer vacation built for college admission purposes? It may be both and that’s not a penalty point, but it isn’t a bonus consideration either. Is the student whose family connections provided an internship at a high-profile organization more worthy than a student who delivered pizza or tended to family farm commitments? The rest of the application will give us the answer.

Question

It has long been understood that there are five main facets of an application: transcript, recommendations, standardized test scores, extracurriculars and essays. If a student’s transcript is in the weaker half of the applicant pool, but the remaining four facets are quite exemplary, will an elite college be willing to take a chance?
-Jonah

Answer

Mr. Poch of Pomona: The more selective the institution, the more likely the decision for admission may turn on things not so easily quantified. If the application suggests strong basic competence academically, the other qualities of a candidate become interesting and often determine the outcome. I am interested in both where a student is at the current moment as well as making a guess about where they may be in a year or two or three. Perfect records in high school don’t always suggest perfect students in college. A student who had a bump along the way may know more about how and why they learn than one who has been grinding along without a second thought. Glowing references, strong tested ability, leadership strength and a terrific interview can sometimes outweigh a transcript with a glitch or two but in highly selective environments are not likely to override a real mess of a record.

Answer

Mr. Brenzel of Yale: Weaker transcripts face tough sledding in a highly selective college environment. They don’t automatically disqualify a candidate for us, but you have to remember that we have many thousands of applicants with extremely strong transcripts who are also just as exemplary in the other ways that count.

Question

I’m a junior in New Jersey, and I feel I’m a pretty good student. Recently, a college guidance counselor emphasized that doing community service is essential, not just for the common good, but also for college admissions. How valid is this claim? Also for competitive colleges, or just colleges in general, how highly do admission officers value honors classes or AP courses (regardless of the colleges credit policy for APs)?
-Akiva L.

Answer

Mr. Poch of Pomona: If there are honors and AP courses available, many of us would look to see them represented in the record. We are looking for course loads that suggest a level of rigor more comparable to college work. Sometimes the more interesting class or teacher may not be teaching in the honors or AP program. Tell us why you made the course choices you did and you may convince us, too.

Anticipate the questions we are likely to ask. Lay out all the pieces you know will be part of the application that you can control (essays, activities and their presentation); make some guesses about what your recommenders will say; and emphasize and then address (before we ask) those things that may not show you in the best light and tell us what you learned that may not be reflected in the record.

Answer

Mr. Brenzel of Yale: We neither privilege nor ignore community service. The thing we are looking for outside the classroom is not a series of check boxes on a resume; we’re looking instead for a high level of engagement or leadership in whatever it is that the student cares about most. For some students, community service is at the forefront of their extracurriculars, in which case we pay a lot of attention to what they have accomplished in that area. For other students, some other passion or interest holds primary sway, and we evaluate the engagement in that area. We know that very few students can fully engage more than one or two primary activities at a high level. Though it is fine for a student to have varied interests, a significant number of students make the common mistake of spreading themselves too thinly in a resume-building exercise.

With respect to programs of study, we are less concerned with particular course designations and more concerned simply to see that candidates have embraced and performed well in whatever their schools offer as a most challenging program. At the same time, we are not particularly drawn to one-dimensional students who have made their sole or primary objective in life amassing the largest number of honors or AP courses conceivable, accompanied by multiple efforts to achieve the world’s highest test scores.

Answer

Mr. Syverson of Lawrence: We seek students who have taken good advantage of their opportunities by following their passions as well as exploring new opportunities. Because of our academic rigor, though, it is important to us that students have challenged themselves academically, which probably means taking advantage of some AP classes if they are available, but does not mean taking every AP class just because it is available.


The New York Times put up a series of Question and Answers from Deans of Admissions. I found these answers interesting, not based on what is really said, but the situation at hand. As more and more universities promote service learning I wonder about the importance of service within the application process. I almost feel like these Deans aren't necessarily being honest. Sure, for students who apply in the next year or two these answers might hold; however, in the future it would not surprise me if "how you spent your summer" and "community service" become more important. There is also another aspect here that did not get covered. One thing that troubles me about service learning is that it takes for granted a clientelle. The admissions process does not seem to account for that clientelle...or, at least, based on these answers, doesn't seem to take into account students who've received these services rather than provided them. I'm not sure if that make sense. What I am trying to say is that in the future there will be a whole population of student's who've received some sort of tutoring or aid from a service learning program. I don't believe we've adequately consider how that will or will not mark them within the University. I will admit that I am not fully current on service learning issues; however, this always strikes me as a glaring hole in the conversation.


I would also like to point out that, while this panel is ostensibly diverse, it is not representative of public institutions. It seems like including UT was an attempt to include a public school, but it is a rather elite public school. The type of university that I've attended is obviously missing from this discussion, as is the community college (but I guess that is to be expected).


Again...

Did I mention that I got both the flu-shot and some sort of pneumonia shot while I was in the hospital?

Did I mention that I am sick AGAIN? Now, I know the flu shot only protects against last years strain. I'm sure the pneumonia shot (who knew they could give one?) is probably the same. BUT, I find it hugely ridiculous that I have been sick twice since I left the hospital. Again, I understand, but I think it is because they make me go to the Health Center every two weeks and I have to sit in the waiting room with all the sick students. They know that all I have to do is go upstairs and have my blood drawn, so you'd think I'd get to just call ahead and walk up to the blood testing area. Nope, I have to see the dr. first every time. And, now, I'm sick...again.

21 December 2008

Our sad guest...


Last night, I think Lody finally figured out that Scott and Cristina are not coming back soon. He started really trying to bond with us and he moped alot. Although, he is a barker, he is a really sweet dog. This morning he is also sad because Yasser isn't ready to play with him.

20 December 2008

Update...


I've accomplished all my cookie making chores today. I need more parchment paper to finish it all. Tomorrow, I will completely finish off these apricot things.

Yasser is too busy hating us all. Consequently, I cannot get a decent picture of cuteness. We've done our best, but every time I let Lody back into the house Yasser looks at me like I've betrayed him.

This picture actually displays the current state of things quite nicely. Lody just wants to be friends and Yasser is haughty.
I've branched out. I'm trying to create my own animu-whatever. I needed to do a Lady Bug, so I've be busy creating my own.

Can you believe I still have to make cookies today? Here is how it will go...
  • Make a double batch of the apricot things (Refrigerate the dough.)
  • Make the ganache and Frost the anti-nut cookies
  • Make the almond things again.
  • Cook almond things.
  • Cook apricot things.
We'll see If I hold up for all of that. If I can there is always the preparations for mailing and cleaning the kitchen to keep me going afterwards.

19 December 2008

I didn't do any school work yesterday, so I don't have any interesting posts...just personal stuff.

This boy I went to high school with called me the other day. He happens to know "my first real boyfriend," whom I have not been in contact with since just before I got married. Then, the day before yesterday, the boy from high school sent me an email with MFRB's myspace and facebook pages. Normally, I'm up for getting in touch with anyone. In fact I'm still really good friends with the boyfriend I had before the DH. MFRB is a little different though. I think we would both tell you we'd still be friendly, but I secretly take joy in the things that go wrong in his life. This is pretty weird, because I like to think of myself as better than that. You know, as someone who thinks only the best of, and for, others. So, when TBFHS sent me the info on MFRB I was confronted with some not very nice aspects of my psyche. I am not quite sure of it all yet, but mostly I've concluded that we cannot all be good all the time. I just have to remember that if MFRB had not been around then I probably would not have ended up where I am today. Where I am today is much better than where I could have been.

How is that for rambling?

The Holiday party season started for me last night. Well, technically, last night was a graduation party. It was fun. I got to see many people who have moved away and many people I just do not see that often. There were a couple of friends who couldn't make it. I really wished Dr. Heidi could have been there, but I got to see Liz, which is kind of like seeing Heidi since they were almost always together.

Tonight I get to go to a friend's "Life Day" party. She celebrates having a life saving operation. Perhaps next year, I'll have to have one in October. It would be conveniently only a month after my birthday. I haven't decided yet. I'm not sure I want to commemorate that weekend. I think it will be up to the DH and the CP, because they are the ones who really had to deal with it.

18 December 2008

Leader of the Pack

Today's cookies turned out okay. Now, I just have to do a couple more kinds, but I'm going to save them for later.

The dog make a lot of noise playing together. That is mostly because Yasser feels the need to make growling "I'm going to kill you" noises the whole time. The funny part is that his tail wags the whole time, so you know he's just faking it.

We went for a walk this morning and they were very good. Yasser feels the need to always be in front. I know, according to Ceasar, we shouldn't let them go in front of us, but it is fun.

Cookies


The cookies from yesterday turned out better than I thought, so now I'm in a baking mood again. Plus, I discovered that in the time it takes for the dough to chill I can just about make that thing up there. He is supposed to be a frog, but I've been using up my scrap yarn and making him all sorts of colors. The DH says I should put them in every tin of cookies, because they will be crafts made by a "special" person -- me. He has a lot of fun teasing me, but he gets kind of mad when others do it. It's kind of sweet. After yesterday's experiment I may make more, but I've learned you have to put the eyes on before the arms and legs. The placement is all wrong on the first one. He looks kind of deformed. Maybe I'll make him one of those 5 legged frogs.

At the Lake House yesterday I started reading some Jonathan Culler. Unfortunately, I left all my notes and the book there, so I can't say anything about it. I've been easing into work--reading WC theory and this book, maybe soon I'll start reading stuff to help with the prospectus.

Well, the DH is back with my baking supplies. I suppose I should go get started.

17 December 2008

Notes from the Lake House...

While the CP is gone the Princess and I will play. Well, I'll sit around drinking coffee and she'll ignore me. The DH is the only person she likes.

There really isn't much news. I'm already tired of baking. I want to scrap the cookie idea and just send people stuff.

Having two dogs around has been fun. I'll post pictures soon.

16 December 2008

I'm too excited to sleep...

I know he annoys many people, but I love that little kid in the Disney commercial. However, THANK GOD they have forsaken the kids in the grape juice commercials for Alton Brown. It didn't matter how often they changed; I hated the grape juice kids. They were just always so smarmy.

No. I am not that excited about Alton Brown, he reminds me a little too much of my former French teacher. I loved the French teacher, but only because he was French. (Quoi.)

I am excited because for the first time I noticed someone in the followers section. Someone I don't think I know. So, I have my first official "Unknown Reader!" Woo Hoo! I thought that only people I knew had found this little spot. Now, it may turn out that I know this person, but until then...let me pretend.

Damn, I think I do know that person. I should have looked harder first. It clearly doesn't take too much to get me excited these days.

Beginning the Journy to the WC.

Yesterday I got to have lunch with one of my favorite people. We didn't talk much about working together, but we gossiped. I did get a Writing Center theory book from her. Last night I read an article. "Theorizing the Writing Center: An Uneasy Task" by Peter Carino. His pointing out that writing center theory and comp theory were intricately linked wasn't anything new. I was disappointed by how he glossed over the Writing Center's position with the university. It seemed to be his assumption that the WC was almost always linked directly to either the English or the Composition department. That may have been true, but I think theses days more and more WCs stand on their own. However, I do agree that all theory should contextualized for the position of each center. The unfortunate thing about following through on that is then the WC lacks serious clout within the University.

I am definitely excited about getting to intern in this class. There is so much more for me to learn about it all.

15 December 2008

Reconsidering

Over on the WPA listserve there's been a conversation about the genre of "reconsidering". You know author A is asked to re-write, re-view an article written years before; rather than asking author B to critique a work. It's an interesting way for people/student's to see how the field and one scholar change over time. I haven't been interested enough to pay close attention. I may just be repeating someone else's sentiments without knowing it.

As a discipline I think we do too much reconsidering. Because we can agree that revision is valuable, and maybe that is the only thing we can all agree on, our discipline tends to be in a constant state of upheaval. While some may find that productive, it does not allow for us to clearly define the perameters of the field (they are always in flux.) Instead constantly "reconsidering"old work, we should let the old work lie...flaws and all. Give someone else a chance to come along and point out those errors.

I didn't pay attention to where the conversation was going on the WPA (I think they are busy compliling a bibliography), but it could be an interesting avenue of work for someone.

14 December 2008

I know, I know...

I said I was taking the weekend off, but when I saw this I knew I had to share it. It is just too much like how I feel; and, exactly like something my friends and I would have written when I was little.

Click to pick a date
Dec 14
2008
Pearls Before Swine - December 14, 2008

13 December 2008

Just so you know I'm taking the week-end off. Here are some good things to read, if you don't already.

The Wind in Your Vagina
Shakesville
Dr. Crazy
Redneck Mommy
Redshirt Knitting
Dooce
Dr. Heidi

12 December 2008

Fatigue

As you can see other places, I have at least gotten my will to crochet back. I've been busy starting all sorts of projects. I may not finish them, but it at least looks like I'm using up my yarn stash.

I re-read Dr. Wiederhold's article on "representational fatigue." I think her work will actually be useful for me during my dissertation. Although she only describes this fatigue in terms of argument, I think it is also there in the patient/visitor encounter as well. It can even explain my anger at the recent email. I am fatigued by the way certain people insist on positioning me as mute. They may think that I am incapable. Or, they may simply think they know what is 'best for me.' Whatever the situation, my ability to reply without seeming to fulfill their expectations of me is compromised.

11 December 2008

Missing In Action

While I appreciate everyone's support, I took down the other post. Like I said, I was/am angry, but the situation was meant to help, not harm me. Also, because I know the decision made was done in my best interest it didn't feel right to leave my rant up here. Apparently, that is what my shrink is for...who knew.

I still haven't responded to the email I received. There is a departmental function tomorrow night. I figure I'll see everyone and deal with it then. I took some notes the other day and I think I have some more on topic (about rhetoric) posts brewing. You'll know them when you see them; they'll be incredibly boring.

Firsts...

Well, I just got home from the therapist. It was my first time...ever. It was good, mainly because I need a place to vent. I did do a lot of crying, but I guess that's okay when I pay to do it in front of someone.

If you are not here today, the weather is very...home-like. It's gray and rainy. At least it's raining hard. At home it would probably just drizzle for three days. As long as it really rains, it's okay.

I'm trying to get over my little fit yesterday. I'm still pissed-off, but at least I can fathom an appropriate response today. It's a good thing I like the interim AD, otherwise it would be really tempting to be bitchy for no reason. Alas, I'm not like that. I also know this really and truly had nothing to do with her.

10 December 2008

The end of thoughtful posts

Here we go, I've seen this two other places now, so I guess I should do it.

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY:
Bad Times - Jayhawks

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Golden Blunders - The Posies

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL
Radio -Radio Elvis Costello & The Attractions

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Bach Cello Suite # 2 In D Minor

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Goldberg Variations #9 Canone Alla Terza

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Man of the Hour - Pearl Jam

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Have A Dream - ABBA

WHAT IS 2+2?
War on War - Wilco

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIENDS?
I'm Gonna Make You Love Me - The Supremes & The Temptations

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Via Chicago - Wilco

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Maybe Sparrow - Neko Case

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Cold Day in July - Dixie Chicks

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Once - Pearl Jam

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Soft Serve - Soul Coughing

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Flood of Sunshine

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Australia - The Shins

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Lurgee - Radiohead

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Nothing Left to Borrow - Jayhawks

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Yellow Ledbetter = Pearl Jam

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Cello Suite # 1 in G Saraband

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
If I don't write this song, someone will die - Hello Saferide

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Ann Jane - Jayhawks ( Laugh...this is one of the saddest songs ever written)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lowlands - Gillian Welch

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Small Penis Compensation Vehicle - The Born Again Floozies

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
I don't want to talk about it now - Emmylou Harris

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Madman - Jayhawks

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Hate it Here - Wilco

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
You Rise and Meet the Day - Dar Williams

09 December 2008

Live...

From a new location...the office.

I had to come to campus today for a Health Center visit, so I thought I'd take care of a couple of things.

The most important of those things would be getting this post in...HA!
Well, actually this is pretty important. I want to thank everyone near and far who responded to yesterday's post. Your encouragement was very welcome and much needed. Thank you.

Okay, now for the not sappy stuff. I also turned in the application letters for a 5th year TA position next year. Hopefully it will work out. I have a feeling it will be easier to keep this crappy insurance than try to get new stuff.

That's all for now.

08 December 2008

The Year...

It seemed like a good time for an end of the year review. Things are getting pretty morose around here and maybe it would liven them up. Ha. This year has been (the most horrible of adjectives, which I use all the time) INTERESTING, to say the least. While I have to admit there has been a change in tone and content of my posts this fall, I don't think there's been a big difference in my writing.

You may have noticed, I'm trying to keep up the writing everyday. I'm hoping that if I do eventually, the writing everyday will happen with the dissertation. Of course to start that I'd have to actually write on it one day. Ha. This week I have to write a job letter for my application for a 5th year TA position. A friend, who's done it, said it was not a big deal, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Although I can usually write a really good job letter, I hate talking about myself. I wish they would just go straight to the interview phase. That I can unequivocally tell you I am great at. It's just even hard to write that kind of a letter when you are depressed. Grr. Arrgh.

I talk to a friend from high school who has also had a stroke. He said the depression is normal. We really didn't talk much in high school, but this person has been absolutely great to me in the last couple of months. I've asked some pretty personal questions, which he hasnt' hesitated to answer. He's been really great. The DH is super concerned and wants me to medicate. I have some serious issues about depression medication. Once I figure out who I've told about this site, I'll tell you all about it. I told him if things didn't get better once I was back to work I would think about it.

I'm caught up with the Charlaine Harris novels. Well, caught up until the last one that's still in hard back. It's like the Twilight series. I like them enough to pay for paperback, but not enoguh for hard cover. Anyway I picked up some Laurel K. Hamilton to start with today. I keep hearing that her Anita Blake series is really good, so I thought I'd give it a try.

I guess this isn't much of a year in review. To sum up there is life pre-stroke and post-stroke and while I'm greatful for everything post-stroke, there are some difficulties. I have friends who've decided not to post if they can't be positive; but I am trying to write through this, so you'll have to bear with me.

06 December 2008

Just so


My whining isn't the top post. Here is another random picture.

It's one of my favorite Frank Pembleton quotations. I've been keeping it to use as a user-pic, but haven't had the opportunity.
Oh, and one other good thing...my name is in print! Yesterday, after not checking the mail for a couple of days, I got the journal I wrote a book review for...and, there I was. It's kind of cool. It makes me want to work on that book chapter.

Whining....

You've been warned....(I don't know how to do a cut..or, I'd spare you. For now....Read ahead at your own peril.)













In case you haven't guessed, things have been a little bleak around my house. The Cajun Princess may have lied when she told the nurse she was the depressive in the relationship. The DH even asked if I needed medication...and he knows how I feel about that. "Great for other people. Not for me." I hope it will start getting better next week. I have a lot of appointments to keep me busy. The week after, I think I'm going to make the DH take me to campus every day. I have a project to work on, but it will help me ease back into work. Although that work is more than a month away. Grr. Arrg. I think this is the one time in history I'll wish for spring semester to start early. I know all about how I'm supposed to rest and everything, but really. I am not the kind of person who can do that. Maybe this will get me to work on the Oprah book some more. There are actually some facts I need to look up for that, but I'm too lazy. I've been trying to get around them, but I think they are necessary. Can't I have a fact checker now?

In the good news department, I think I am going to a party tonight...and I might get a free chair from my boss. She thinks it will look good in the corner.

It's not as bleak as it sounds. I'm okay, just a little down right now.

05 December 2008

Randomness


* Go to your sixth picture folder and pick your sixth picture.

* Pray you remember the details.

* Tag five others.



I saw this Meme at another blog. I wasn't really tagged, but I kind of like it. This was at the CP's house while I complained about a professor, who is okay; but at the moment was being a complete dick to me. Hell, even the Vampire Dr. Chat stood up for me. It was tough to prove to Pixie he was being a dick, but I had the emails to show him. Nicely done Cajun Princess.

04 December 2008

Ennui pt. 2

Today is just one of those days. I finished my novel for today. I wish I could read other stuff as quickly as I can read Vampire & Mystery novels. Yes, there are a thousand things I could be doing, but none that I want to be doing. I don't even want to play with yarn.

So, I guess it's just me and the food network...again.

Ennui

Life is actually okay at the West Bank. The CP finally peed this morning hopefully she is on the mend and does not have MS. The DH told me that if she does I have to find a whole new group of friends, because there is too much bad luck in this one.

In order to avoid my own responsibilities, I've been sitting around the house reading Charlaine Harris novels. I can actually do 1 a day. Even yesterday, when everyone came over for roast and Bradley fell asleep on the couch in front of other people. Seriously, there are parties I know I said I'd go to and now I cannot remember when they are!

It was another good impromptu meeting. I'm glad the roast turned out. But, I think you have to do a lot to ruin any thing that cooks all day in the crockpot.

03 December 2008

So, while we are happy for those who have jobs for the spring and fall, my own job situation sucks. I am fine for the spring, but I have no idea about the fall. I haven't heard from the YWCA or any of the Minnesota companies I applied for through Monster. The paper work for the 5th TA-ship is due soon, and it is definitely less $$ than right now, which is not a whole lot of $$.

My boss called yesterday and she wants to come over to discuss our "strategy" for next semester. I am not sure what that means. I have my schedule, which is the most important part of my syllabus, done. I suppose this means that I should get the rest ready.

02 December 2008

On Appointments...

I almost threw a fit in the Dr.'s office today. The DH and I decided the nurses hate us. It's okay, I probably won't have to see them again.

To add to my foul mood I just spent 20 minutes on the phone with the health center trying to change an appointment because THEY wanted me to. It's an appointment I'd already re-scheduled once at their request. Geesh. How hard can it be to get someone other than my husband and the CP to talk to? Apparently, it's pretty hard.

It seems like I've also trained myself to be tired out after dr.'s appointments. I did nothing today and I want to take a nap. I think I'm still recovering from Sunday's drive. My ass only just quit hurting. Really. If you rent a car and they try to give you the Chevy Aveo...pay for the upgrade. Sure it's great gas mileage, but your butt will thank you in the end.

01 December 2008

Well, we are home. We also have a clearer understanding of "holiday Traffic." Nothing really went wrong until we hit the east side of Charleston, WV and the tolls started. Then it took us about 2 hours to go six miles. Seriously. At one point I considered getting out to walk. I would have made it home sooner.

There is more to write, but I think I have to go back to bed now.

28 November 2008

Well Thanksgiving is over and we can begin to think about Christmas. I think our being here was a nice surprise for everyone. Plus, we got to see almost the whole family all at once. Now, I just have to deal with the Grabow cousins. Eh.

I don't think we are going to leave until tonight or tomorrow. Who knows? As much as I'd love to stay, I have Drs.appointments so I have to get home. Plus there is the issue of how to get me back. If I stayed either Bradley would have to come and get me or someone else would have to drive down. What a pain!

27 November 2008

A Day of Thanks

Obviously, today I am thankful to be alive. I haven't been to gushy about it, but apparently things were a little scary there. I really just refuse to be a "died at the holidays" statistic. It would just be too much. Look, I'm already tearing up here, so maybe I won't make this too long. Let's just make a bullet list and get on with it. These are the thing I am Thankful for...

  • The Dh's family. They've done a lot for us over the years. Including letting a stray Norweigan girl into the family.
  • The DH. You really wouldn't believe the way he has come through this. He's amazing
  • The rental car. No really, I'm glad we were able to drive here. It's nice for everyone that we made it.
  • My Family. Well, I do love them a little more than the rental car.
    • The distance away from me that my family lives. I know I talk about trying to move closer, but I visiting once a year or less is fine.
  • My friends, near and far, who have proven their worth this year. They've all been there for me through so much.
  • Really, I'm just Thankful for everything.

26 November 2008

Well, the important work is done and I don't think anyone up here really reads this, so now I can tell you about the trip.

It was pretty uneventful. Last night, after a looong day in the car, I got a little giggly about a sign for "Ray J's." It just cracked me up because it seemed like something so southern in St. Paul; and...I had this other thought that in our town that would really be how somebody thought Reggae was spelled. I mean seriously...what kind of business do you call "Ray J's"? I know it was mostly funny because I was tired, but it still kind of cracks me up.

24 November 2008

Well, I guess I'll post anyway. I figured out how to time them. I'm special with the computer. There really isn't anything to say. Everyone else gets to do the fun stuff. Maybe I do too, later;but that doesn't give me anything to write about now, while I'm trying to write everyday.

Today I did nothing. Well, some laundry, but that doesn't count. The poor DH had to come home from work and clean the house. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he refuses to believe me.

23 November 2008

Tagging

I wasn't really tagged by anyone, but I read this over at I Still Hate Pickles and since it was neither too long, nor too creative, I decided to do it. Therefore, I tag anyone who reads it. Here's seven things about me. I want 7 things bout you.

1. I was born when a tornado hit town.
2. We moved when I was 10.
3. I've lived many places since. My favorite was Homer AK. I'm still trying to get back there.
4. I was proposed to while taking out the garbage.
5. I got married after knowing someone 5 months.
6. I am still married.
7. I LOVE yarn and everything I can do with it.

22 November 2008

Amazement.

It's been a busy morning here at the West Bank. I worked a little more on the aforementioned piece. Then I got an email saying an abstract I wrote before I was sick was accepted into a book. The final piece isn't due until July 1, 2009 so I have plenty of time to get it done. It's just not necessarily about anything I'm interested in anymore. Anyway, it's pressure to get something (along with my prospectus) done.

You know when I write first, there seems to be more left over for the blog. Maybe I should try it more often.

21 November 2008

I feel a little better. Apparently today I just get to cough and blow my nose a lot. Have I mentioned how much I sound like Debra Winger when I have a cold?

The worst part is that I have to wait for the DH to get up before I go get coffee. He's not feeling well either, so now I have to content myself with EmergenC. It's good. really.

It's fun around here when we both have man colds. I don't know what it is about this video, but we both love it.

In more important news. If you are not watching Little Brittain, put it on your Netflix cue now.

20 November 2008

On the other side

Well, the month is almost over! Woo hoo. There may be a couple of days I don't post, but that will be because I don't plan to take my laptop out of town. Who knows? Maybe I'll change my mind.

You know the Dr. said it was up to my neurologist, can you believe I have a neurologist?, but I probably won't be able to fly for another six months. You know it's just not fair. I have the stroke and everyone else gets to go to London. Cheeky bastards.

Did I mention how much it sucks to be sick? Maybe they will take it easy on me in PT. I really just go to look at the cute, young, black man. Maybe my post-stroke, random big decision will be to have an affair. Shit, I just posted about it. I guess that means it's too public and I can't.

19 November 2008

Sick Beginnigs

Since there is nothing worse than a book of someone else’s whining, trust me I read the second book of the Twilight, and even in fiction it was horrible; let me begin by saying unequivocably, “I am the luckiest girl.” Seriously. I mean it. I have a beautiful house, rented from my in-laws, who came with my wonderful husband. Actually he became truly wonderful a few years after I married him, but he really is wonderful now. Trust me, the adjectives aren’t just hyperbole. I have the best dog and two cats in the world. Well, they are as good as can be expected. We did name them after dictators. Let’s see, what else makes me lucky…I can crochet, very well; and, I just learned to knit. Let’s not forget my own family. My father, sister, mother, and brother are all far enough away that I miss them, without really having to deal with them. I just turned 35 and my whole life went down the tubes. Really. The day before my 35th birthday I got sick. I spent my birthday with a 102 degree fever. One month later, I had a stroke.

Seriously. I am 35 and I’ve had a stroke. No, my blood pressure wasn’t high. Yes, my cholesterol was a little elevated, but not that much. Yes, there is a history of strokes on my mother’s side of the family, but usually not until people get old. So, basically, they have no idea what caused my stroke. They’ve done the blood test, which came back negative. Now the rest of my family doesn’t have to pay to have it done. Next month, they will do an angiogram to see if my veins are really that clogged; who knows what they will find. Hopefully, it was just an anomaly, but most people who’ve had one stroke have another. I guess, I just have to wait and see…that’s pretty hard for me.

There are a few other things you should know. First of all, I am the oldest child. My little brother is 8 years younger than me and my little sister is 13 years younger than me. Actually, that probably tells you all you need to know. (If you are an oldest child, you know what I mean.) If not…it means I take care of other people and a lot of things. If a job needs to be done, it is very hard for me to say no; and, I’ve only just recently learned not to volunteer. Consequently, my current situation is exacerbated because, not only do I have to not take care of things, I have to let other people take care of me. I was okay at it for a while, but, as I get better, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult. In fact, I think I am only writing this to get people off my back.

You should also know, as bleak as this narrative may be at points, ultimately, I am an optimist. “Cute and Perky” is how one friend, when particularly annoyed with me, would describe me. It really pissed me off. Because, if there was anything I really didn’t want to be, it was, “Cute and Perky.” I’ll do my best not to name names in this narrative. Every deserves their fair share of credit for getting me though this time, but they didn’t sign-up for this to be singled out.

Some of the bleakness of this narrative comes from the fact that I am in grad school. I am one dissertation away from having my PhD. Anybody want to hire me? Yeah, that’s what I though. Look, I am not writing this book to help anybody else, I just want to sell this, get on Oprah and/or Fresh Air, and make some money to help pay my medical bills. Enough people I know have helped out significantly, now the people I don’t know can start pitching in. In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m cynical like that. While you may get to read early drafts of some of this on my blog, it won’t be all of it, and it will change radically between the start and finish. All writing does. Grad school taught me that. In other words, if you have the opportunity fork over the money. If you do not have that opportunity, at least give me some CONSTRUCTIVE feed back. I had to put CONSTRUCTIVE in all caps, because I will ignore/remove rude responses when necessary. No matter how it all turns out; it boils down to the fact that this is my story and I, like Peggy Lee, will tell it how I please.

Did I mention my throat is sore and I've felt like crap all day? Oh, yeah and I have a fever.

The Ambien Experience...


I think I was out 5minutes after I seriously started to go to sleep. I've taken the stuff before and luckily I don't sleep walk /drive. I must be excited about my haircut today. Actually, in spite of the highlight fiasco. I think I may ask for a cut and color. I'm have a box of color at home; I'm just lazy. I am leaning toward something like this. Luckily, I can use Alyssa Milano as a test subject for hair styles. We have the same face shape and similar coloring. Lately, she's been going a little shorter than I feel com fortable, but I kind of like this look on her.


I had to get up to go to the bathroom and couldn't get back to sleep, so here I am. I may actually take a picture today. Something I've haven't done in years. What's the worst that could happen, I could end up looking like Irina Spalko, in the Indiana Jones film.

In other news, I signed up for some therapy yesterday, so hopefully you all won't have to hear about it. I'm going to try and keep writing every day, but if I'm not whining about something, I'm not sure what i'll have to say.

In other news, part of the reason I'm up is my throat hurts. I just drank a bottle of EmergenC, so that should help. They shot me so full of flu shots and pneumonia shots in the hospital that I really haven't been that concerned about catching something, but I do go sit in a waiting room full of coughing students once a week.

I bought new slipper yesterday...finally I found a good pair. How do I know? Well, they fit my feet and the DH stole them already. Seriously, someone needs to get me a new fluffy bathrobe and some deer foams. The DH keeps smoking in my robe. I don't want it back. I just want a new one.

18 November 2008


Sorry, I can't help it. I know it's suppposed to be a wreck, but I love it. I laughed out loud.
Yesterday was full and fine. I went to my last knitting class, then I came home and started a basket weave scarf.

I also came up with a brilliant idea that may or may not come to fruition today. I don't want to say anything in case someone involved actually reads this.

Then about 11:00pm, I tried to go to sleep. I did eventually get there, but not until I sat up and knitted for a while. I'm just tired of this life. I either want something new, or something old. I am tired of being stuck where I am.

Yesterday, I also sent off and received feed back on my prospectus. I only have to come up with 7 more pages and a better bibliography. eh. Maybe I'll skip the dissertation and write a book to get me on Oprah.

17 November 2008

I tried to post something, but it didn't work. Now, I don't have the desire to redo it.

16 November 2008

Yesterday, I took off my wedding rings while I kneaded dough. I forgot to put them back on when I went out. As I sat eating my hummus and sweet potato chips I had a lovely conversation with a 50 year old man at the end of the bar. The problem was that he followed me across the street to Fishbones. Actually, I think it was just a coincidence, but I was grateful that Mr. LA could come over and save me.

We had a lovely evening drinking beer and talking about our long-lost friends in MN. The only problem was that those friends couldn't be there....oh, and I'm pretty sure my Greensboro friend hasn't hooked up with my MN friend's yet. I think I need to be there to facilitate. The good news is that maybe I will be soon. I applied for a couple of Executive Assistant jobs up that way. We'll see what happens. On the one hand, I'd really like to stay here another year. On the other, I'd really like to be closer to some family. Most importantly, I'd really like to go somewhere I could be something other than "the girl who was in the hospital." As much as I appreciate it all, I feel too much like a charity case here, which, as you might have guessed, really doesn't go with my personality.

This writing everyday business is hard...is the month over yet. Maybe I should be writing something different. Like my prospectus. It's all in my head, I swear. Can't I just turn in my head and then jump to the defense?

15 November 2008

Homemade Cinnamon Rolls= slightly overdone rolls + burned fingers
All of which = too much effort. Next time just buy pillsbury

Normalcy

The people's pharmacy this morning is interesting. It's about a man who's had cancer, was cured by a bone marrow transplant, and has written three books about it.

Their main point is that everyone should have an advocate when dealing with medical appointments. I know the DH and I were really appreciative to have the Cajun Princes and Everybody's Mama around to talk to people and help out. As the guy on the radio said, if you want to trust an actor, even when you just go to an appointment it is helpful to have someone along. They help remember all the questions you wanted to ask, but forgot.

Lately, I've really been struggling with wanting to "get back to normal." Now, in rehab, there was much talk about this. No one can really expect everthing to get "back to normal." Now, normally that is because of some physical aspect of their injury. Of course, I can't do anything normally. Being blessed with an almost full recovery, I have to be more conscious of my own recovery and I am more conscious of how everyone else treats me. I think that a good part of my need to find a job somewhere else is that I want to go somewhere

14 November 2008

My First Cooking Experience

There's a soup in the crock-pot. I wanted to try to make some home made cinnamon rolls, but I forgot I don't have a rolling pin. Now I have to wait to see if my soup turns out and to get a cinnamon roll.

13 November 2008

I think I just accidentally made a hat for Emma.

Clarification

I've been asked to clarify the State of the Department situation. Basically it went like this, "We have to make cutbacks because the chancellor told us. The only place we can really do that is in the funding for 5th years and lecturers." No problem unless you are a 5th year TA like me.

As a result I've been trying to find jobs. I even joined Monster and applied for an Adjunct position. I have some pretty strong opinions about never working Adjunct. Yes, it provides jobs, but it feed a pretty lame system. The problem is I wasn't planning on going on the market this year...and, I'm really not ready to do it.

On another front Wednesay's with Sunday went well. We had a nice lunch and I tried to get my friend caught up on departmental gossip...eventhough, I don't know anything. It's not that I don't like having lunch with this person. It's just the way/reason for the lunch. As someone else said, "It sucks to be everyone else's wake up call." But...at least I got a better dissertation idea out of the deal.

12 November 2008

Wednesdays with Someday

A friend of mine started Wednesdays with me. We have lunch every week. I appreciate the attempt to keep me busy, but it is one more thing that makes me feel fragile.

11 November 2008

Last night the DH and I went on a mission to find the yarn store that moved. I know, fun for him, huh? But, the good news is that I ended up in a knitting class. You heard right. Now I can knit and crochet.

On a more important front, I sent off the cv and letter for the ywca job. Woo hoo. As much as I know I could do it, and I think the DH and I would be fabulous at living abroad, I cannot really bring myself to be hopeful about it. Maybe the pay is crap, who knows. I can't believe they haven't filled it already.

Anyway, it is done.

10 November 2008

Out of Africa was on last night and I watched..again. Now I know I should not watch it, but I love it. I like to think I'd be like Karen Blixen. (Plus I would look amazing in all the hats.) I realized last night that the problem is I"m too much like her. People and things must belong to me.

The DH cut himself last night. He had to go to the emergency room. Poor guy, but he'll live. He has today off and we are going to do something besides sit on the couch. Actually, we'll do something after I figure out what the hell he's done to my printer. Since I've been home I haven't been able to print anything.

09 November 2008

Random Bullets

  • Went shopping this morning. (It was nice to have few hours to myself.)
  • Napped.
  • Had visitors.
  • Wrote a job letter for something outside of academia. Whew.

08 November 2008

It's been a long week. It's hard to write every day when nothing ever happens. Well, almost nothing. The DH let me drive today. It was just around the neighborhood, but it was the first time since the stroke. It's amazing how simple it was to fall back into - that said, I am glad I don't have to get on the big road anytime soon. I do, however, plan to hold the DH to the scooter promise. We are also supposed to be in Arizona right now, but had to stay home from the party because I am not allowed to fly. Hopefully that will be listed soon.

On Friday there was the State of the Department meeting. I went just to hear how bad the cut backs will be. Even the best scenario sounds bad.

07 November 2008

It occurs to me

I was in the hospital long enough to get a stuffed giraffe.

06 November 2008

officially crazy

Looking at the JIL today, I decided to apply for some positions that are still open. They all require a dissertation before starting in either August or September. I am nuts I tell you.
Last night I checked my email and found out a job at the world YWCA is open. It's station is Geneva Switzerland. I think I'll apply just in case. I think I would look good in Geneva with the DH and the dog. What the hell I speak a little french. Yesterday, I also set up my first meeting about next semester. Although I'm done with course work, I'm thinking of taking a couple of courses. First I want to work with someone to teach a 300 level course. I'm also thinking of taking the new directors course, but to get in I have to have a paper already to revise for publication.

05 November 2008

Representational Fatigue/defense

I've been thinking a lot about Dr. Snarky's article lately. I'd planned something long about it before the stroke, but I don't remember what it was. Maybe in was just that she thanked me in the comment. I think she let out an important aspect of representational fatigue (maybe she'll talk about this later somewhere else.) She left out the younger generation of Feminists. Me. & People like Melissa over at Shakesville. We have our teaspoons out. Not my sister's generation. I have a feeling based on my "Representaitonal Fatigute" folder in the favorites it was somehting about that. I'll have to go back and look. Something about the end of waves. I hate the wave metaphor more that anything else right now.

On a different subject. In defense of the personal narrative. It just really depend on what you ask of students. I've had great success with the personal narrative, but only when I've made the assignment really relate to what we're doing and not let on what we were doing.

04 November 2008

Saying I love you

Maybe it's just because "More than words" was playing as I shopped for puppies. Or, maybe it's because I was looking at the DH as I ended the phone call, but I mistakenly said "I love you. Bye." to a friend as I was hanging up the phone. Now it's true I love him in a way, but I would never really say that. It's just how the DH and I end our phone calls, especially these days. Anyway, it was weird and my friend hasn't called back so I don't know how he took it. The DH and I laughed about it.

Most importantly today, I voted.

Then I went and bought shoes. Two pair for the price of one. It was a good day.

Fun

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Doris!

mm.doris_.jpg


You are a Doris -- "I must help others."


Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.




How to Get Along with Me

  • * Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.

  • * Share fun times with me.

  • * Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.

  • * Let me know that I am important and special to you.

  • * Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.




In Intimate Relationships

  • * Reassure me that I am interesting to you.

  • * Reassure me often that you love me.

  • * Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.




What I Like About Being a Doris

  • * being able to relate easily to people and to make friends

  • * knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better

  • * being generous, caring, and warm

  • * being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings

  • * being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor




What's Hard About Being a Doris

  • * not being able to say no

  • * having low self-esteem

  • * feeling drained from overdoing for others

  • * not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish

  • * criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should

  • * being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them

  • * working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings




Dorises as Children Often

  • * are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism

  • * try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding

  • * are outwardly compliant

  • * are popular or try to be popular with other children

  • * act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention

  • * are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises)




Dorises as Parents

  • * are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)

  • * are often playful with their children

  • * wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"

  • * can become fiercely protective



Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Going to Vote.

I am just waiting for the DH to get up so I can vote. It kind of suck to have someone drive you everywhere. That's all I have to say today. Does two post count for later in the month when I have nothing to say? More later.

Why My Bath Sucked

Really.
How can a bath suck? You ask.
Well, first in her cleaning zeal my MiL threw away all my bubble stuff.
Okay, so it wasn't smelly. Big Deal.
But then, then I had to very carefully shave off a months worth of leg growth. Seriously. I hadn't shaved since before my stroke. I had to be very careful because if I cut myself I would bleed alot. Let me tell you how not fun it is to try and cut off long hairs very carefully.

03 November 2008

puppies

Since I've been home from the hospital I've been hounding the DH for a new puppy. The DH has rightfully took the stand that we cannot spend other people's money on a puppy. He told his shrink about it today. The shrink said I was looking for a way to deflect attention from myself. Why the DH has a shrink and I don't is a story for another time. I think I getting all out talking with the Cajun Princess and blogging here and elsewhere.

I didn't ever think of it that way, but it's true. In so many ways the fact that I've had a stroke has been a big deal for everyone else. I literally just woke up in the hospital, everyone else had to worry. Although, I don't doubt my diagnosis, it's like something that didn't happen to me. As I have said all along mentally, I feel the same as ever. It's only physically, that I know something is different. I'm weaker and I really don't have the same stamina. So, while I appreciate everything that everyone has done and is doing, it feels really unnecessary. If there is a new puppy in the room maybe everyone will pay attention to it, instead of asking how I am and treating me like a porcelain doll. I'm just me. I'm supposed to be the one that takes care of everyone else, so it's really difficult to let others do things for me.

So, while I am over-joyed to be able to pee by myself. I do want something to take the attention off of me.

hospitalitly in the Hospital...

People keep suggesting that I write my dissertation about being in the hospital. Sure there is probably something there, but not really for me. It's a little too close and I'm afraid that by the time it's not I will not be able to remember much. It already seem pretty distant.

But there is something to thinking about how you attempt to provide hospitality in a place that is not yours, one you cannot leave. A place that is more like a prison than somewhere to invite someone. A place where you either know, or find out later, how much people do not want to be there. How do you provide hospitality when you are stuck to a bed, a chair, a floor?

What kind of hospitality do you incur when you go visit other people? Does it matter if you have something/this in common?

You can see there are a lot of questions about it all.

02 November 2008

It's November, which means it's time for writing. I missed yesterday, but I will try to write all the time this month. There just isn't that much going on write now.

30 October 2008

I'm back again. At least this time I have a valid excuse for my absence. This blog might take a less academic approach for a little while, mostly because I am not currently active in academia. On October 4th, I had a stroke. Don't worry I am okay. In fact, if I am well rested and sitting down even I don't know, but I don't have to work for a while. If I had to I think I could get back to work tomorrow, but I'm really glad I don't have to go back until January.

The DH is all freaked out and finding me babysitters eventhough the 24 hour watch has been lifted. I think he is a little nervous I'll fall or something. He and the CP have been great through it all. Well, everyone has been great, but they went above and beyond to take care of me.

Yesterday I made my first appearance at the department. It was weird. Everyone hugged me and commented on the Cane Cozy. Yes, I still have to use a cane when I go out and Yes, I made it a Cane Cozy. There are pictures eslewhere. I need to get some more Yarn and make a more sparkly one.

Now I just have to decide whether or not to do the dissertation.

25 September 2008

Ringing true...

Saints be praised I have actually begun to really work on my dissertation/prospectus. Well, really, I started a while ago, but now it is actually interesting me.

Something clicked when I started reading Julia Kristeva's Strangers to Ourselves. Although Kristeva's work naturally focuses more on the problems of immigration in France, much of this book will help me provide a ground work for my own discussion.

One passage in particular haunts me. Perhaps because it is more applicable to my own work about what it means to be home, than to the work for my dissertation; whatever the reason, I can't get it out of my head. Referring to the foreigner, Kristeva says,
"Melancholy lover of a vanished space, he cannot, in fact, get over his having abandonded a period of time."
I still can't quite articulate how this sentence reverberates in my soul. Maybe you can wrestle with it in the comments.


17 September 2008

Distraction...

Really, I was going to post something academic, but I got distracted by this:



And now it's time for Project Runway.

09 September 2008

End of civilization....

Really. Have you seen this? Fox's Hole in the Wall. Then again, I have just watched 20 minutes of it.

04 September 2008

Daily Illustrations

Once a few months ago I tried to explain my dissertation topic to my Mother-in-Law. I tried to explain to her that I wanted to explore the way the language the media used influenced the way we think about immigrants. She heard language and thought I was talking about the increase in Spanish language media. Eh...I tried.

Today, unwittingly she provided me with the perfect illustration of the influence/power of language. Unfortunately, it's an example I could never tell her about. She'd been talking about Sarah Palin's speech yesterday. My MiL is in love with Sarah Palin. Then she went on to say something about the Democrats. I can't remember the exact sentence because she didn't say, "The Democrats blah, blah, blah." She said, "The Enemy blah, blah, blah." Well, actually the construction was, 'Blah, blah, blah The Enemy." And, yes, there were capitals in her voice.

My MiL listens to local conservative talk radio and watches Fox News. It's a running joke in the family about how liberal I am, but it must not really occur to her what that means. I don't really think she believes I am the enemy, but it's how she's learned to think about political opposition. That bugs me for everyone involved. I don't hate Republicans or Conservatives or Libertarians. I know, and really admire, lots of people with political views that are different than mine. I'm not saying it's only Fox News that promotes this kind of language. The Media (big "M" and all inclusive) is responsible and so are we, as a nation, because we like a good fight. But, what we need to realize is that it matters.

The true lesson here, the one that I can never really tell her about, is that although I know this woman loves me, I know she "Didn't mean it that way," it still stung.

Getting to know each other...

This semester's schedule is set up so that on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am ostensibly working on my dissertation. So far, well, you saw the ceiling. Today there is no dissertation work because I'm holding student conferences.

You might find it confusing that I'm holding student conferences right now and posting at the same time. It would appear to be impossible, but that is only true if student's actually show up for their conferences. Now, I guess I cannot be too hard on them. I did cancel class yesterday. However, even in the cancellation announcement, I made it clear that conferences today would go on as scheduled.

About that class cancellation. This is the first time I have cancelled class unexpectedly. It sucked to have to do it the second week of classes, but I didn't feel like showing up full of fever sweat and shaking with the chills. Actually, for a group of first-year students, they did a pretty good job of figuring out the discussion board assignment for the day.

Each semester it's tough to decide whether or not to do these beginning of the semester conferences, but when I'm teaching 101, I think they are helpful. It makes the students find my office and helps them realize that nothing terrible will happen to them when they come here. (Well today it might get them sick, but I'm making them sit far away and using a lot of purell.)

***I just got my first "Why I couldn't make it to the conference" email. The student said he rode his bike around campus and couldn't find our building. It could be legitimate, but our building is pretty big and brand new and shiny.

03 September 2008

A new line...

This morning I got a little post birthday present in my inbox. The book review I wrote over the summer is being published in the October edition of the journal. Yeah!

It's my first 600 words in print and a new line on my CV.

29 August 2008

New Year's has never been that important to me. Maybe it's because I've always been on a more academic schedule. In addition to the joys of new pens and notebooks for class, my birthday is at the beginning of the school year. So, it really is more of a new year for me than the arbitrary calendar date of January 1st.

So, all I can do is hope, pray, beg the gods of the multiverse that this week is not an indication of what it will be like to be 35. The fact that my birthday isn't really until next week gives me just the smallest glimmer of hope that this is just a bad send off of 34.

The pessimism may surprise you, but that' just because I spent Wednesday evening writing my academic genealogy to avoid looking at the following.

Yup, that is the ceiling of my kitchen. Wednesday morning, after an entire night of heavy rain, I woke up to a soggy kitchen table and a pretty new ceiling.

The best part came later when the DH went upstairs to check the Cat Bathroom, which is directly above the kitchen. He said he noticed the wall and then just touched the ceiling and his finger went right through.

Thursday, instead of going to sweaty yoga, I got to hang around the house to hear a contractor tell us that the actual problem was minor. In his words, "A 10 cent fix." The resulting damage is worth a little more. Fortunately, the in-laws can file a home-owners claim because it was weather related.

Today...today was going well. Until I decided to go to the bathroom before teaching the afternoon class. That was when the zipper on my pants broke. Now, these weren't just regular pants that have multiple fasteners. These were some really cute pants with a side zipper. In fact, they are the pants that I wore to our "reception" dinner at the Peppermill in Vegas after we got married the second time. The side zipper business means that the zipper was holding these pants up.

Fortunately, I happen to bring a change of clothes to school today. This is really a random occurrence. It was the only thing that saved me from having to staple my clothes together.

Yeah, that's my week. The ceiling brakes and my pants fall down.

Don't worry, I am well aware that in the whole scheme of the world my week wasn't that terrible. In fact, I'm still pretty fortunate -- my cats have their own bathroom for cryin' out loud! It was just one of those weeks.

Oh and about the cat bathroom. It's just that it's there and no one uses it, so it's the perfect place for the litterbox. Besides we have to do something to make up for the fact that we love the dog more.

Oh...and two more things....
First of all - while I appreciate that New Orleans is in the path of Gustav, but seriously people. Look at that map a little more closely and you can see that the good folks in Cameron Parrish, who are still recovering from Rita...yeah, you know the other hurricane that hit three years ago, are more in the line of that storm. Those are the Cajun Princess's people down there and they do not need to go through that crap again.

Secondly, the saving grace of this day has been my discovery of Black Hockey Jesus. I never thought I'd thank Redneck Mommy for taking a break, but I've discovered a lot of great blogs this week. I've spent this afternoon reading through the archives and I'm in love. Really. If the DH would trust himself enough to sit down with a pen I think he'd have a similar voice.