Since there is nothing worse than a book of someone else’s whining, trust me I read the second book of the Twilight, and even in fiction it was horrible; let me begin by saying unequivocably, “I am the luckiest girl.” Seriously. I mean it. I have a beautiful house, rented from my in-laws, who came with my wonderful husband. Actually he became truly wonderful a few years after I married him, but he really is wonderful now. Trust me, the adjectives aren’t just hyperbole. I have the best dog and two cats in the world. Well, they are as good as can be expected. We did name them after dictators. Let’s see, what else makes me lucky…I can crochet, very well; and, I just learned to knit. Let’s not forget my own family. My father, sister, mother, and brother are all far enough away that I miss them, without really having to deal with them. I just turned 35 and my whole life went down the tubes. Really. The day before my 35th birthday I got sick. I spent my birthday with a 102 degree fever. One month later, I had a stroke.
Seriously. I am 35 and I’ve had a stroke. No, my blood pressure wasn’t high. Yes, my cholesterol was a little elevated, but not that much. Yes, there is a history of strokes on my mother’s side of the family, but usually not until people get old. So, basically, they have no idea what caused my stroke. They’ve done the blood test, which came back negative. Now the rest of my family doesn’t have to pay to have it done. Next month, they will do an angiogram to see if my veins are really that clogged; who knows what they will find. Hopefully, it was just an anomaly, but most people who’ve had one stroke have another. I guess, I just have to wait and see…that’s pretty hard for me.
There are a few other things you should know. First of all, I am the oldest child. My little brother is 8 years younger than me and my little sister is 13 years younger than me. Actually, that probably tells you all you need to know. (If you are an oldest child, you know what I mean.) If not…it means I take care of other people and a lot of things. If a job needs to be done, it is very hard for me to say no; and, I’ve only just recently learned not to volunteer. Consequently, my current situation is exacerbated because, not only do I have to not take care of things, I have to let other people take care of me. I was okay at it for a while, but, as I get better, it’s becoming increasingly more difficult. In fact, I think I am only writing this to get people off my back.
You should also know, as bleak as this narrative may be at points, ultimately, I am an optimist. “Cute and Perky” is how one friend, when particularly annoyed with me, would describe me. It really pissed me off. Because, if there was anything I really didn’t want to be, it was, “Cute and Perky.” I’ll do my best not to name names in this narrative. Every deserves their fair share of credit for getting me though this time, but they didn’t sign-up for this to be singled out.
Some of the bleakness of this narrative comes from the fact that I am in grad school. I am one dissertation away from having my PhD. Anybody want to hire me? Yeah, that’s what I though. Look, I am not writing this book to help anybody else, I just want to sell this, get on Oprah and/or Fresh Air, and make some money to help pay my medical bills. Enough people I know have helped out significantly, now the people I don’t know can start pitching in. In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m cynical like that. While you may get to read early drafts of some of this on my blog, it won’t be all of it, and it will change radically between the start and finish. All writing does. Grad school taught me that. In other words, if you have the opportunity fork over the money. If you do not have that opportunity, at least give me some CONSTRUCTIVE feed back. I had to put CONSTRUCTIVE in all caps, because I will ignore/remove rude responses when necessary. No matter how it all turns out; it boils down to the fact that this is my story and I, like Peggy Lee, will tell it how I please.
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