Smug

Smug is exactly how I feel. It's ridiculous that I should feel this good about doing something I am actually supposed to do EVERYDAY! Seriously, people I just need to write this damned thing.

Oooh and tonight I get to go see Neko Case. It's the first concert I've been to in 7 years. How sad is that?

Excuse me while I go read some comp theory.

Fear of change

It's not that I am overly tired or anything like that, but I have had to be on campus EVERYDAY for the last couple of weeks. It doesn't seem like it's going to end anytime soon.

Initially, my big concern about returning back to school was my stamina. It hasn't affected me at all. It's just that being on campus right now feels like an imposition. It puts me out. That is certainly not the mind-set I need to have, but it's there for now.

This week and last week I've participated in taking various candidates out to lunch. On the way to lunch last week, I realized that all of it makes absolutely no difference to me. Sure, I'll see these people in the hall next year, but other than that - they will make no difference in my life.

There is one professor, who seems super nice and is always very friendly to me, but I don't like her because she is in Dr. Snarky's office. How stupid is that? I know it's stupid, but I cannot help myself.

Is it really done?

It's been a long, exhausting week here on the West Bank. All I can say is that at least Moshe hasn't started building a wall. There is no room here for ghettos. There is no peace yet, but I think there is a mutual cease fire.

Honestly, I cannot explain what exhausted me this week. Nothing much has really happened. I had a couple of extra trips to the health center, but nothing important. Maybe it's just that I haven't had a decent night's sleep since the Saturday before last. Underdeveloped puppy bladders suck. I'm sure the DH has it worse because at 2:00am, I just wake him up and make him trek down the stairs to take the puppy out. Yes, I'm evil like that. I firmly believe it is one of my wifely duties.

At the coffee shop this morning I made good progress on my article. I have some ideas that I think will be interesting. I'm just not sure how it all still has to do with hospitality. I'll figure that out. Don't forget, I'm a rhetorician, I can make it all sound good even if it makes no sense. Well, that is not really true, but good sources help. One of my editors suggested...doesn't that sound cool, I have editors, anyway he suggested I look at Kathleen Jamieson's work. It's really perfect for what I want to write. Woo Hoo!

Did this week wear anyone else out?

Working?

There's no excuse for not working right now. Really. I'm at school. I have all my books, etc. Actually, I really like the book I'm reading right now. I'm glad my editor recommended Kathleen Jamieson.

The problem is I know I'm going to be here all day. I've become jaded and spoiled. Normally, I show up to campus for my office hours and class. That's it. This week I have to be here everyday. Today, today I have to be here until at least 4:30pm. Grr. Arrgh. At least I'll eventually be so bored that I have to work. How do people manage an 8 hour day?

2 1/2 pages...

2 and half pages were all I could muster today. No, not of my dissertation. Although my life didn't flash before my eyes and I didn't see a bright light of any kind, it seems that everything has to be re-lived in order to get the present right. At least I got something done. Hell, maybe I'll edit it all out anyway.

I got Depeche Mode's "Violator" album for Christmas--I still really like it. How's that for a smoke bomb? Changed the subject didn't it.

Well Laid Plans

I don't know if I've mentioned it here or not, but the DH and I have been sharing a car all summer. It's partly an effort to save a little gas money, but also because his car is not in the best of shape.
It's the other reason I've often been stuck at home.

One benefit of having just one car is that I get to hone my skills at planning the most efficient sequence of accomplishing errands. It does my little Virgo heart good when I can make the first stop on my list the farthest from home and then work my way back. It makes both the DH and I really happy when we can use one car without having to do too many drop-offs and pick-ups.

Putting the finishing touches on the new teaching assistant orientation has required me to spend most of my time this week on campus. This hasn't led to the most efficient drop-off/pick-up schedule. So, for today I purposefully planned NOT to go to campus, because the DH had to work and there would be less running around if I didn't have to go to campus. Now...I actually have quite a bit to left to do on campus, but I figured not going there today would be okay because I could spend all day tomorrow there. I would go to campus around 8:ish do all my office chores, walk down the hall to my 10am meeting, then spend the afternoon running errands on campus while I waited for books to arrive.** After the books arrived I would head home and the DH could go to work.

It was a pretty damned good plan, if I do say so myself. As you can probably guess, that is not how my day is going to work. Nope. How do you thoroughly destroy such a beautiful plan? Move the 10am meeting to 11am and hold it off campus as opposed to just down the hall. Oh...and it's not just off campus, it's the equivalent of all the way home.

It wouldn't be so bad except that I really do have enough stuff to do that I need to go to campus before the meeting...and, because I have to wait for the books, I have to return to campus after the meeting. yeah. There goes my well planned day.


**Don't get me started on why I need to wait for the books. Just don't.

Not at all what I should be doing...

All the recent hoopla over the Edwards Campaign bloggers caught my eye and added a couple new blogs (like this one and this one) to my favorites folder. I haven't had the time to keep up with everything surrounding this issue, but imagine my surprise when I checked out one of my new favorites this morning and saw this.

While Marcotte's decision to resign is understandable, the acceptance of her resignation, and the silence about it at the Edwards site, is not.

Clearly Edwards, or someone on his staff, was aware enough of Marcotte's work at Pandagon to want to hire her, which means they were [should have been] aware of the nature of her work at that site. If, as a campaign, Edwards and company cannot vet their employees better than that, they do not deserve my vote. If, as a campaign, they do not have the guts to do more than issue mealy mouthed comments about their employees while waiting for the right time to let them quietly step down, they certainly do not deserve my vote. And now they've done it again, Melissa McEwan, who had also been targeted for views posted on her blog before joining the campaign, has also stepped down; and, again there is no comment from the Edwards campaign.

Okay, I didn't start this post to complain about Edwards' cowardice. There are larger issues here that need to be considered. In comments responding to Marcotte's announcement Michael Bérubé points out that we are in new political territory. His comment is worth reading in full.

Clearly, blogging involves a very different kind of
rhetorical compact with one’s readers than campaigning does. But not until last
week, so far as I know, has there ever been a demand in this country that
ordinary campaign staffers account to the candidate — and to the general public
— for everything they’ve written prior to becoming campaign staffers. If you
sincerely think that the fault lies with Amanda for not alerting the Edwards
camp to the full metal Pandagon archives, well, I think you’re being
played.

Hiring campaign bloggers is a new phenomenon. The tension created as we attempt to identify and define this new rhetorical space needs to be carefully analyzed. When bloggers choose to write, in their own spaces, about sensitive issues they blur the lines between public and private discourse on those subjects. Certainly weblogs are a form of public discourse. Unless I choose to hide an entry, I understand that once I hit the “publish” button I’m no longer in control of my rhetorical audience. Consequently, as I write I should probably construct my audience as broadly as possible, being careful and deliberate in my word choice. However, the “log” nature of this format lends itself to feeling like a private discourse, which allows for an individualist voice. My private views, expressed in my own voice, become a part of public discourse in a way that has different ramifications from speaking loudly in the local coffee shop.

Unfortunately, I’m not being as articulate as I’d like here, and I don’t have the time to really work through this right now. What I’m trying to get at is a question about how our “published” words get used in these situations. Underlying this whole situation is, I think, a rhetorical (and ethical?) issue about how personal blogs are used (for political means) within public discourse.

Don't it make my brown eyes green

This week my best friend here in Middletown, the Cajun Princess (CP), received hard copies of her first journal article. I knew it had been accepted. She worked on revisions all last semester. Yet, somehow seeing the actual journal and her name in print made it real. She is published. I am excited for her. I made her tell our favorite professor in her field. In fact, I think she should post it all over the department for all to see. Fortunately, she is far too self-deprecating for that.
The CP's response is, "It' s just a small article. It's not in my major field."
To which I replied, "So! It's your first article. It's a whole new section on your CV!"

Clearly I am pretty excited for her. Now about the title of this post...
There is also a little part of me that is jealous. Not in a mean way, CP worked hard for this. She is a better student and more focused scholar than I am. Maybe it's not even really jealousy. It's more like self-disappointment. During my MA at this university my friends were mostly PhD students, so when they did things like present at conferences and publish articles it didn't really feel like I was behind or missing out on something. They were supposed to be ahead of me in this process. However, CP and I started the PhD program together. We are in different fields, but we should be on fairly similar tracks. By publishing, she's moved ahead of me.

Seeing her name on a title page forced me to think about what I am doing (or rather NOT doing) to get myself in similar positions. In other places I've written (whined) about my inability to self-motivate and my profound ability to procrastinate so I don't want to rehash it here. For a long time I've felt the need to change those habits, but have failed to act on it. Maybe seeing CP's name on that title page and realizing that I want to see mine somewhere similar will help get me moving in the right direction.