Jinxes

A few weeks ago I heard through the grapevine that people were wondering what the final hospital bill was. It seemed weird to me until I remembered these people had all donated money to help with that bill. Another time I will write about the strangeness of asking for/taking donations.

The point is that this week I sent out an email to everyone titled "Final Update." Belatedly, I realized I was ready for that. As much as I have said here (over and over) that I feel back to myself and completely normal, this time I really do. More importantly, this time I think everyone around me is starting to feel that way too.

While we drafted the email my friend asked if I should say that I am fully recovered. I told her I don't like to say that. Saying "I've fully recovered." feels like jinxing myself. I know that it really takes about a year to recover as much as you will from an injury like this; consequently, it feels like I may think I'm recovered now, only to discover something I can no longer do. Additionnally, it feels like a dare to the universe. Trust me I do not need another six months like the last six months. However, I think I've really gotten back to where I was. A filter was lost there somewhere and I swear a little too much, but other than that, there are no lasting effects of my condition. In fact, some friends are coming to visit in May. It will be a year since they've seen me and I don't think they will be able to tell anything has happened.

The odd part to me is that even now everyone wants to attribute my recovery to something I did. How much, or how little, I recovered was decided well before I ever woke up. I'm just reaping the benefits.