Dates, Deadlines, and Daring

Way back in September, when I thought I would get over my summer of procrastination and get to work, I submitted to a fairly large conference in my field that is happening in May of next year. My submission was a part of a panel with Dr. Snarky, Crazy Theory Girl, and Dr. Hippie. Initially, I wasn't looking for a panel, I was looking for some help with my proposal, but CTG scooped me up and incorporated me into her plan. We found out this week we were accepted. It will be so much fun, because the last big conference in my field I went to was in Dr. Snarky's home town. We walked around town and went shopping together. This next big conference in May is in my home state. I'm not a big city girl, so it's not my home town, but I'll have a good time showing Dr. Snarky around.

There is another part to this conference. This particular conference demonstrates a pretty big commitment to graduate students. One of the ways they've done this is to create a forum where graduate students can submit works in progress and receive feedback from some of the Big Names in the field. Remember when I said that back in September I was feeling like I might actually be productive during this process...well, I sent in a submission to bring my dissertation prospectus, and I was accepted. Now, getting accepted really isn't that big of a deal. It was pretty much a first come/first served kind of thing. The big deal is having a draft of my dissertation prospectus by April 15th.

In other places I've been more vocal about my comps-study process (or lack thereof), but I haven't talked too much about it here. That is mostly because I've wanted to indulge in my own feelings of failure and ineptitude rather than really think critically about what is going on behind my issues with this process. And, now that I'm ready to talk about it here, I'm sick of talking about it. The short version is that I've wasted too much time and now I'm cramming. Everyone assures me that I know more than I think I do, and that it will be fine. Intellectually, I'm sure it will. When I meet with the professors I'm working with this semester, I feel fairly good about my progress. I just wish that I was able to get to this point in September rather than now.

The issue that most concerns me right now is that, for some stupid reason, I really thought this process would be generative for me. I thought that as I read I would be making connections and having ideas about what it is I want to do with my dissertation. I'm not. Not even a little.

My friends who have been through this process say that the connections really start to flow towards the end. That makes sense...and in all honesty I haven't been reading like I should be so, not making connections isn't really all that surprising.

The larger issue for me, even before I knew I had to get cracking on my dissertation prospectus, is that I feel even more in the dark about my dissertation project than ever. When I began this process there were three concepts that I felt would somehow come together for me as I read and help me find my project. My lists, even though they were created last minute, were designed to give me broad readings in each of these concept areas. They are doing that, but it's not working the way I thought. Hopefully as I buckle down over break, ideas will begin to flow for me.

This weekend the DH and Cajun Princess both spent time talking with me about my readings/ideas trying to prove to me that I know my stuff. It did help my peace of mind a little. It also confirmed something for me. I generate ideas communally. A big part of my problem this semester has been that I am not working in a community environment. So, in this process that determines my fate I also have to negotiate learning things that I've never been very good at - self-discipline, working in isolation, trusting my own knowledge and ideas.

The good news is actually that deadlines are set. The dates of my exams have been set. I know I need something about my dissertation that will not embarrass myself by mid-April. Having dates and deadlines is actually helpful. Now, it's time to get back to work.

What's going on?

I've actually tried to keep up with this blog a little more than it appears. Unfortunately, I forgot my passwords for a while. Don't ask. If you knew me it really wouldn't be a surprise. So...I re-started elsewhere and considered transferring everything to the new space, but then I realized I'd only really posted there once, today. It was easier to just come back here. Except that I'd really like to still use my spiffy new somedayphd gmail account for everything over here, but I can't seem to change all that around. I'm sure there is a way, but I'll never figure it out on my own.

The short version of all of that is I'm back.

Keeping Up

It really is the wrong time to start this blog again, but when have I ever done anything at the correct time.

I'd like to say I'm in the middle of my comps study, but really I'm approaching the end of it. My exams are not until February, but that feels like tomorrow. There is so much to read between now and then I cannot even fathom having it done in time.

I'm hoping that the occasional diversion of posting will keep me from going completely over the edge.

Over at Rate Your Students there has been an ongoing debate between senior and junior faculty. The latests installment is here. The argument began in the comments at one of my favorite blogs - Reassigned Time. The crux of the argument was a perceived lack of gratitude and loyalty in junior faculty with tenure track positions who put themselves back on the market. At RYS the debate has devolved into whether or not junior faculty, especially those who are a part of gen-x, are guilty of perceiving themselves as special.

RYS is a fun forum, which I typically head to for a good laugh; however, I think this subject deserves more serious treatment. The Cajun Princess and I talked about it in the office yesterday. In everyone's haste to define junior faculty as lacking commitment and senior faculty as rigid and overbearing, no one takes up the underlying issues about the structure of departments and universities.

The profession has changed. The market is ridiculously tight, which means that I will take whatever job I can get...until I can find the one that I want. If departments are really that worried about keeping junior faculty they need acknowledge that the structure of reviews, tenure, and promotion needs to change. Not only is the job market tight, but the publishing market as well. A broader range of publication and scholarly work need to count towards tenure goals and/or those goals need to be readjusted. I realize those requirements differ at every institution, but there are certain goals like book publication that seem to be pretty universal. There are definitely prejudices about alternative forms of publishing that need to be addressed. I pay attention to the junior faculty at my university. I see how hard they work, what kind of work they do, and how it is or is not valued in our department. You don't have to sit on very many committees to see how senior faculty respond to the work of junior faculty.

The discussion that needs to happen isn't about generational divides and job loyalty/security. It is about the nature of the job itself.

The Violence of Language Pt. 1

My morning check of Shakesville led me to this, which makes me so angry right now that I cannot even begin to respond.

As a feminist and a budding rhetorician there are just so many things wrong with this situation. However, after I get past the violence of forcing a rape victim to give testimony describing the situation as sex and intercoure (which imply consent), what disturbs me the most is the fact that the jury will never know that it the words "rape, sexual assault, victim, assailant, and sexual assault kit were banned at the defense's request.

Certainly there is a lot more to say about this, but as usual time is short.

The Real World

What is there really to say about this?

Yesterday the CP and I went to the bar across the street for our regular Monday lunch. The intent was for her to vent about her Romantic P.S. paper that is due today. There are televisions almost always on above the bar. Normally, it’s some sports thing and they are muted. However, when we walked in the volume was up and Fox News was blaring.
We sat and listened until the repetition of the scant details started.

We are fairly close to Blacksburg. In fact there are at least two (and I think actually more than that) people in our department who are alumni of VT. There was also a shooting incident in one of our dorms a few weeks back. One that most of our students (frankly, myself included) seemed inclined to ignore. The CP mentioned, with full irony, that Columbine played a part in her decision to get out of Secondary Ed and go to graduate school. On the way back to the office she asked, ‘What would you do?’ I realized there is not much you can do. If someone enters your classroom intent on opening fire, what are your options?

As a part of this field we spend a lot of time discussion how to make our classrooms feel like safe places for students to share their writing. An incident like this makes all of that seem more than a little quixotic.

There is actually a lot I have to say about the coverage of this incident, but that will have to wait until the semester is over.

It's Easy Like...

Sunday morning at the coffee shop.

The benefit of going to a coffee shop with free wireless is that when you get stuck writing one paper, you can always start researching another.
The hazard of going to a coffee shop with free wireless is that you can procrastinate by reading other blogs/posting on your own instead of doing much needed work.

Paper Status -
Dr. Snarky - In early production. I'm writing about a tv show I love; however, Dr. S hates what I initially set out to do. How do I know she hates it? It was amply demonstrated in class after I read the opening paragraph to my paper. The good part is that I have another approach that I think I like better anyway. It allows me to ditch the lame tv show I was comparing and focus on the fabulous tv show. Due - May 5th

Dr. Chat - Ideas are floating around for adding to the mid-term draft of the paper, but I haven't sat down to really work on the expansion yet. However, I feel pretty good about the ability to expand this paper. Due - April 27th or May???

Dr. Ancient - He accepted my change of paper topic. So, now I have a plan that will maintain the ostensible focus of the class AND incorporate his own language from lecture. I need to spend some time researching/working on this. Due - Draft for Presentation April 26th - Final Draft May 9th (I think).

Wading Through

The hardest part of writing this post has been deciding what is relevant and what is not. I suppose that is really the hardest part of any writing. And, of course, the longer I put off posting the more there is to post. Maybe it works best in sections.

Committees:
Yes, Dr. Snarky is leaving, but she has agreed to stay on my committees. As long as the paperwork is filed by the end of the semester she can stay a part of the committees as a 4th outside person. That means I had to find a 3rd member of the Graduate Faculty to be on my committee. Of course I am not the only grad student working with Dr. Snarky, so within days of her announcement all the other faculty that do even remotely close things had been snatched up by other people. Fortunately, Dr. ____ (it’s too early for a name, I’ll insert one when it comes to me) from related department and I met to discuss a summer reading project and we hit it off. She agreed to be the 3rd person on my committee. (There will be a post about Dr. ____ sometime soon. Maybe that is when she will get a name.)
Of course all of this requires stupid amounts of paperwork to pull off, but it’s do-able and keeps my universe in something close to a working order.

(This gets really long. I tried to figure out how to do a cut, like I can at lj, but it involves codes and things. So, until I have the time to figure it all out, just skip what you want. I'll hide the longer posts later. )


Personal Ramifications
At first I greeted Dr. Snarky’s announcement with mild annoyance. I constructed quick “alternative” plans and thought everything would be fine…of course, it wasn’t. Having done my MA here at M.U., Dr. Snarky is the person I’ve worked most closely with for the last four years. Now, it clearly wasn’t smart to form such a bond with a junior faculty member, whom I’ve known to be unhappy in her job for quite some time; however, she has good friends here, a cadre of junior faculty who have bonded, and I thought she would be able to stick it out until tenure. I cannot quite articulate the hole that her leaving (and the possibility that she wouldn’t be on my committees) created. In reality, I could find other people to do the work that she does with me, but it wouldn’t be the same. She has seen my work develop and as a consequence understands the way I think and write differently than anyone else. She always seems to push my thinking in good ways. The week before last, when I wasn’t sure what would happen with my committees, or who I could get to work with me, was particularly bad. I was on the verge of tears for days. Finally, I ended up in tears about a tangentially unrelated subject in Dr. Snarky’s class, which is definitely a post for another day. Still having everything settled (the paperwork is in the department secretaries hands and lists are on their way to being constructed), doesn’t really alleviate the sadness. I guess this is my first inkling as to why, as the C.P.’s Cool Victorian Mentor puts it, “all my academic friends are on anti-depressants.”

Institutional Ranting
“Our faculty/department is in transition.”
That is the mantra that everyone in the department, grad student and faculty alike, uses to tell themselves that it is all okay.
Our Department Head was hired in two years ago. We’ve made three new hires this year and have, I think, at least two more new hires next year. None of those hires counts towards replacing Dr. Snarky, nor do they account for the two other jr. faculty who did not pass third year/tenure review, and so will probably leave soon. It also does not account for the fact that Dr. Snarky is not the only jr. faculty unhappy here (i.e. more resignations over the next two-three years would not be surprising). Amidst all the retirements, resignations and what not, there are also several faculty members who have received prestigious grants and fellowships that allow them to take leaves and sabbaticals to further their own scholarship (at least two are gone this year, two will be gone next year).

Right now we are a department with heavy faculty representation in an area where there are currently only two PhD students, and maybe 3 MA students, studying. The major areas in which PhD students are studying are not currently well covered by the faculty (and many of those faculty are the ones taking leaves and sabbaticals). This is creating a problem for the students like the CP and I. My search for someone to be on my committees was sudden and unexpected, and I had to go outside the department to ask someone I’d never worked with before to be on my committee. However, the CP, and others who came in at the same time as us, are trying to find faculty members to serve on their committees, and they are having a hard time.

Yes, the faculty are over extended. They are teaching overloads. They are taking on more graduate students. However, when it comes time to make our committees, we should not be faced with a faculty that is routinely saying “no” to committee membership. As I have mentioned before, our program is promoted as a four year program, which means that after 18 credit hours we have to file the paperwork to form our committees. The fact that all the PhD students who came in with the CP and I need to form committees at a time when the faculty is “in flux” is not our fault. There is certainly not the funding available for us to stay on an extra year while they figure it out. Yet, the CP and others have all faced rejection when trying to find faculty members willing to work with them.

Aside from the fact that we don’t really control the timing of when we need to set our committees, what irritates me the most is that this is happening to “our class.” As a class we have really made service to the department and the university a standard for graduate students. Our departmental graduate student association was started three years ago, but it is really this year, under a board membership primarily from our class, that it has really become a presence. (See – In Service to What for some of what our association accomplished) Particularly this year, they’ve focused on making our departmental organization a presence around campus. All of what we’ve done makes our department look good. It makes it look like somewhere worth coming for the paltry stipend that we receive. Yet, the CP and Medieval Woman have been forced to file paperwork with a ‘tentative’ committee, because of faculty issues.

Although my own issues are resolved, it makes me irate for them. The icing on the cake of this frustration is that there doesn’t seem to be any inclination for the faculty to take a look at themselves individually or as a group. The mentality seems to be that once the new hires are complete everything will be fine. There is no recognition that a discussion should happen about why all this new hiring needs to happen. Why is it that jr. faculty don’t want to stay? What is it about this department that is so “collegial” and friendly that gives it such a high turnover?
Granted I am not on the faculty, this conversation could be taking place in some circles; however, I have a pretty good ear to the ground and this conversation doesn’t seem to be occurring. We could/should have an amazing faculty, but we don’t/won’t until these issues are addressed. Until then, what are we honestly supposed to tell the new recruits we are asked to lunch with?

Still Kicking...

I've wanted to post for a while, but haven't had the time. The little matter of the last post muddied my plans and threw me into a funk of sorts. However, there is more to come. Just not so much today.

Upheaval...

That paper on Stoppard is still due...tomorrow; and I'm still working on it. It should be okay as long as I don't break any typing fingers between now and then.

However there are bigger problems in my academic universe. Dr. Snarky just announced her resignation. She is moving on to greener pastures. If I were further along in this comps/dissertation process it wouldn't be a problem. She'd be able to stay on my committees (which she's already said she'd be willing to do). Unfortunately I haven't even turned in my paperwork yet. Now I have to find someone else who does what she does. That person doesn't exist here. There are maybe two possibilities. One is another professor in the department, who tangentially does similar things, but very tangentially. The other is a new professor in another department. The problem is, I haven't worked with either of these people.
There is a tentative plan to work with the professor from the other department over the summer, but who knows if/how that will turn out.

Ultimately, this is good for Dr. Snarky. She might not be labeled that way at a different university. This is also definitely a move up as far as name recognition goes. It just sucks for me. We've worked pretty closely together, and I'll miss her.

Sporadic items

Moving into the end of the semester it’s time to start thinking about paper topics. In fact I should be working on a 10 page mid-term paper that is due to Dr. Chat by Thursday. However, I’m also trying to get a proposal ready for Dr. Snarky for the same day. Dr. Snarky’s proposal is going to double as a conference proposal as well, which is making it difficult. Dr. S will be fine with the situation. I’m just making it difficult. The conference is one that I would consider a major conference in my field. The CFP for this year should be perfect for me. It is exactly my area. For some reason I’m just blanking on it. Coming up with an angle relevant to my own work to write about an obtuse Tom Stoppard trilogy was definitely easier.

At least with the Stoppard there was an artifact to examine. The problem here is coming up with that artifact. There are a few ideas floating around in my head, but they seem too much like things I’ve already done. I don’t necessarily want to spend the rest of my life writing about television and/or political campaigns. Well, actually, maybe I do. I guess I’d just like to know I can write about other things too. So, the questions I need to answer to figure all this out for myself --- What is Civic Discourse? What do I want to say about it?

Not at all what I should be doing...

All the recent hoopla over the Edwards Campaign bloggers caught my eye and added a couple new blogs (like this one and this one) to my favorites folder. I haven't had the time to keep up with everything surrounding this issue, but imagine my surprise when I checked out one of my new favorites this morning and saw this.

While Marcotte's decision to resign is understandable, the acceptance of her resignation, and the silence about it at the Edwards site, is not.

Clearly Edwards, or someone on his staff, was aware enough of Marcotte's work at Pandagon to want to hire her, which means they were [should have been] aware of the nature of her work at that site. If, as a campaign, Edwards and company cannot vet their employees better than that, they do not deserve my vote. If, as a campaign, they do not have the guts to do more than issue mealy mouthed comments about their employees while waiting for the right time to let them quietly step down, they certainly do not deserve my vote. And now they've done it again, Melissa McEwan, who had also been targeted for views posted on her blog before joining the campaign, has also stepped down; and, again there is no comment from the Edwards campaign.

Okay, I didn't start this post to complain about Edwards' cowardice. There are larger issues here that need to be considered. In comments responding to Marcotte's announcement Michael Bérubé points out that we are in new political territory. His comment is worth reading in full.

Clearly, blogging involves a very different kind of
rhetorical compact with one’s readers than campaigning does. But not until last
week, so far as I know, has there ever been a demand in this country that
ordinary campaign staffers account to the candidate — and to the general public
— for everything they’ve written prior to becoming campaign staffers. If you
sincerely think that the fault lies with Amanda for not alerting the Edwards
camp to the full metal Pandagon archives, well, I think you’re being
played.

Hiring campaign bloggers is a new phenomenon. The tension created as we attempt to identify and define this new rhetorical space needs to be carefully analyzed. When bloggers choose to write, in their own spaces, about sensitive issues they blur the lines between public and private discourse on those subjects. Certainly weblogs are a form of public discourse. Unless I choose to hide an entry, I understand that once I hit the “publish” button I’m no longer in control of my rhetorical audience. Consequently, as I write I should probably construct my audience as broadly as possible, being careful and deliberate in my word choice. However, the “log” nature of this format lends itself to feeling like a private discourse, which allows for an individualist voice. My private views, expressed in my own voice, become a part of public discourse in a way that has different ramifications from speaking loudly in the local coffee shop.

Unfortunately, I’m not being as articulate as I’d like here, and I don’t have the time to really work through this right now. What I’m trying to get at is a question about how our “published” words get used in these situations. Underlying this whole situation is, I think, a rhetorical (and ethical?) issue about how personal blogs are used (for political means) within public discourse.

In service to what...

This is the upcoming post…sort of.

The Cajun Princess alerted me to this over at rateyourstudents last week. My response to her email was, “Man, and I thought we were cynical.” It made me want to post something long and optimistic about publishing, research, and teaching here, but, alas, I’ve run out of time and optimism. All I will say is that it is pretty unnerving to hear the same cynicism from individuals who seem to have been in the profession for a while.

Instead today I’d like to explore a different aspect of my experience, departmental service. As I think I’ve mentioned before Middletown University (hereafter MU) is in the middle of a hiring spree. A couple of weeks ago at lunch with a candidate I commented on the opportunities our department provides graduate students to serve on committees and hold administrative positions (particularly in my field). I presented the comment as a good thing about our department. In some ways I think it is, but I’m having some doubts.

Here are the current opportunities for graduate students within our department:
v Student representation on a graduate studies committee (2 positions)
v Student representation at portions of faculty meetings dealing with graduate student issues (2 positions ***it should be noted we only gained these positions after much lobbying this year.)
v Assistant Director of Composition (1 year long position that includes a course release and a slight stipend)
v Graduate Assistant Director of the Writing Center (1 position – changes each semester and includes course release)
v Editors of the First Year Student handbook (3 positions)
v Contributors to the FYS Handbook (varies each year)

These are all positions that provide excellent experience and will look great on a cv, and they are only the structured positions. There are tons of other opportunities for us to volunteer in some capacity. No one should leave here without some service on their cv. So, why do I doubt their benefit?

Currently I’m debating whether or not to apply to be next year’s AD of Comp. It is within my field and is sort of the goal I’ve been working towards. However, I plan to take my comprehensive exams next spring. Even with the course release, I worry that the obligations of the AD position will be too much to carry and continue to study and take my exams at the same time. “No problem,” you might say, “just wait and apply after you’ve taken your exams.” You would be right if it weren’t for two things – first, there’s no guarantee that I would get it that following year; and, second, that is the final year of my funding.

My doubts about the amount of service graduate students provide to our department stems from the fact that we are limited to four years of funding. Fifth year students may apply for assistantships, but within the past year those assistantships have become competitive and the funding attached to them has decreased. Our funding is abysmally low to begin with yet, if we must stay for a fifth year (which is very common) we loose any tuition waivers we may have had, and about two thousand dollars for the year.

Our department advertises itself as a four-year PhD program. Technically, it is possible to do it; however, it is usually the exception. Most people I know have taken five years to get through the program, especially if they’ve been involved in the department. Although the positions that truly require our time offer course releases, they still also take time from our research, class prep, etc. Yes, these positions offer us an opportunity to experience the teaching, research, and service demands that are inherent in the profession; however, I’m beginning to think it is at a cost to our ability to focus either more completely on our teaching or our research, and, to some extend, our ability to complete the program in the time allotted.

As MU moves up in the research tiers, it desperately needs to address the low stipends for its graduate students. At the same time, our department needs to address the timing of the program. Currently, it is not really truthful to advertise as a four year program.

Filler

There is a post I'm working on, but finding the time has been difficult.
However, I had to take a moment to demonstrate just how much this program has warped me. Yesterday, I got sooooo excited because these books came in the mail.

Cultural Citizenship: Cosmopolitanism, Consumerism, and Television in a Neoliberal Age
and
Otherwise Than Being: Or Beyond Essence

You should notice that neither of these books are on the required reading list to the left. Nope, these are for other projects and "fun." It just doesn't get anymore geeky than that.

Getting the Ball Rolling

Although I still have to fill out the official paperwork, the final nail dropped in my committee coffin yesterday. I got up the nerve to ask the last member to work with me; and, he agreed. When I sat down last week to start putting together the my exam lists everything still felt somehow unreal. Watching Dr. Chat create a folder with my name on it and put it in another folder titled “Exams” was like feeling the puzzle pieces lock together. Although it is nerve wracking—like that moment when the rollercoaster just begins to move slowly up the track, it also brought me a sense of calm and determination. I’m done agonizing over who to work with and ready to get to work.

About the agonizing, I’ve known who I should work with since last spring. I delayed asking people to be on my committee because I worried about personality conflicts and stories I heard from other students. My friends who are taking their exams this semester all counsel me cryptically to “choose your committee carefully,” without giving me any concrete advice about how to do that. It’s frustrating, because really I don’t have a choice about who I’m working with – our department just isn’t that big.

Unlike some of my friends, I don’t know exactly what my dissertation topic is, so I’ve constructed my comprehensive exam lists using the theories that I know I want to work with in my dissertation. That means I have to work with Dr. Belle (who will chair my committee) because she is passionate about one of my theory areas, Dr. Chat because he is the only one on the faculty who works with a particular theory, and Dr. Snarky because her work provides the intersection between the other two theories. I know there are personality conflicts between at least two of the members. I’m pretty sure that when it comes time to write for these folks I will be pulled in at least two different directions, but that is just the nature of the game. At some level, I have to believe that these people are adults who can figure out how to work together.

My concern now is that all my lists are theoretical, but that is a different post.

Wading in...

In our department we create a guide to the field for the first year students, which, if they enroll in the basic 101 course, they are required to buy. It is a nice little money maker for our department. Actually, it funds itself and various happenings geared toward the first year students. It contains essays written by graduate students about different aspects of the field. Every spring there is also an essay contest from which student essays are chosen to illustrate certain types of assignments. Last year I submitted an essay. This year the Cajun Princess and I are on the editing committee.
Just recently Kendall/Hunt began publishing this little volume for us, which is nice because now it actually looks legitimate. The editing committee consists of three members –usually one veteran and two new people. The structure cuts down on the tendency for committees to start over from the beginning. Although I’ve not worked closely with our veteran committee member (VCM), I’ve heard rumors of her, for lack of a better term, flakiness. The tricky thing is I also get the sense that she is fairly territorial. Last semester she was distracted by comps so we didn’t expect her to be on the ball getting this thing going. However, I did contact our Director to make sure we weren’t missing any deadlines. She reassured me that all was well. Early last week, out of the blue, the Director sends a departmental email stating that submissions for our writing contest can be dropped of in the departmental office.
CP and I emailed, “Quoi?” to each other, but decided that when our presence was required we would be notified. Then there was another request last Friday – Could one of the committee members give a brief description of our project (graduate submissions and the student essay contest) at the next required meeting of TAs? (Tomorrow)
Not knowing who would respond, I said that I would speak at the meeting. Then I emailed VCM and CP to set up a meeting (which is today). Here’s the deal…I don’t want to step on VCM’s toes, but this thing needs to get done in a timely fashion. So far there doesn’t seem to be a problem. In her last email she thanked me for organizing this meeting. I’m not sure if that means I need to step back now or not. It’s just that for the last two years the book has arrived late to the bookstore, and I think that has a little to do with things at our end. One thing I am good at is organizing meetings, delegating, and following up to make sure stuff gets done, which means I want to play that role on this committee. The meeting this afternoon will probably tell me all I need to know. Whether it’s politically savvy or not, I have an agenda for this meeting and other commitments mean I need to make sure we stick to it.

Don't it make my brown eyes green

This week my best friend here in Middletown, the Cajun Princess (CP), received hard copies of her first journal article. I knew it had been accepted. She worked on revisions all last semester. Yet, somehow seeing the actual journal and her name in print made it real. She is published. I am excited for her. I made her tell our favorite professor in her field. In fact, I think she should post it all over the department for all to see. Fortunately, she is far too self-deprecating for that.
The CP's response is, "It' s just a small article. It's not in my major field."
To which I replied, "So! It's your first article. It's a whole new section on your CV!"

Clearly I am pretty excited for her. Now about the title of this post...
There is also a little part of me that is jealous. Not in a mean way, CP worked hard for this. She is a better student and more focused scholar than I am. Maybe it's not even really jealousy. It's more like self-disappointment. During my MA at this university my friends were mostly PhD students, so when they did things like present at conferences and publish articles it didn't really feel like I was behind or missing out on something. They were supposed to be ahead of me in this process. However, CP and I started the PhD program together. We are in different fields, but we should be on fairly similar tracks. By publishing, she's moved ahead of me.

Seeing her name on a title page forced me to think about what I am doing (or rather NOT doing) to get myself in similar positions. In other places I've written (whined) about my inability to self-motivate and my profound ability to procrastinate so I don't want to rehash it here. For a long time I've felt the need to change those habits, but have failed to act on it. Maybe seeing CP's name on that title page and realizing that I want to see mine somewhere similar will help get me moving in the right direction.

Where the day goes...

It amazes me how quickly a day can fill up with "stuff." Currently my schedule should be a dream. I'm not teaching, and I should have Fridays off. Since I'm not so great at making myself work on Fridays I started to organize a study group. We were supposed to start tomorrow at 1:00pm. Then I remembered that I agreed to take job candidates out to lunch, which also meant that I should attend at least one of the two job talks scheduled for the afternoon. Since all of that meant getting to campus at 11:00am, I figured why not go early and get some publicity for the Writing Center done. (Walk all over campus putting up posters.) So, before I had the day off. Now I'll be on campus from about 8:30 - 3:00, which pretty much guarantees I won't be in the mood to study when I get home.

I have the sneaking suspicion that when I get into "the real world" service and administrative duties will operate in this way as well.

Normally I enjoy volunteering to take candidates out to lunch. I like to meet new people and hear their stories. However, this year my department is doing an amazing amount of hiring. There are three positions open right now and I believe there will be something like three more in the fall. Everyone is nuts. I'm not sure how many more job talks any of us can sit through. The good side of it all is that the department dynamic will change with the addition of so many new people. It won't have too much of an effect on my studies, but it will be good for the newer graduate students.

Opening Day

The Writing Center opened today. It seemed to all go smoothly. We were actually kind of busy in the afternoon. It's been a while since I've worked in a writing center. It was fun. I know in a couple of weeks I'll be singing a different tune, but it's good for now.

As I sat through a job talk today the silliness of the situation struck me. It's like a conference of one. A mini-teach can show how a candidate will perform in the classroom, but the job talk just puts everyone in an awkward position. As a candidate you have to condense your research into a short conference presentation. As a committee member you have to try to assess a candidates ability based on that presentation. It's insufficient. I don't have any alternative suggestions, but there has to be a better way to do that.

Doing everything except what I love...

Last spring, in a moment of over confidence, I agreed to be a mentor to one of the new phd students (Little Momma). We get together every couple of weeks to have coffee and chat about this strange life we've chosen. Mostly, it's the blind leading the blind, but I think we do a fairly good job keeping each other sane.

This week was pretty hard for her so we got together on Saturday to talk things over. As we talked over the events of the week and discussed strategies to get through the semester she mentioned something that stuck with me. One of the things that draws each of us to this place is our love to read. Yet, when we get to this place all we seem to do is put off our reading. The thing we love to do becomes the very thing we avoid. Her observation probably made an impression because at the end of last semester I didn't read.

Normally, the promise of reading for pleasure gets me through the final push of writing seminar papers and grading student work. At the end of last spring I read four Val McDermid novels in three days. This year I couldn't do it. I started The Master and Margarita, but didn't finish. It's not because I didn't like it. I did. I just didn't feel like reading. Part of it was because I had other projects to complete, but that wasn't all of it. The heart of what we do is read, whether it's theory, student papers, or literature. Getting through this process shouldn't rob us of that love.

I have to hope that it doesn't. Hopefully, et just defers it for a while. I didn't share these thoughts with Little Momma. She has enough on her plate. I told her it probably all just boils down to one of the ways we are most like our students. We don't like to read things we are told to read. We want to read what we've chosen to read.

On that note, it's time to get to work reading On Rhetoric.

Starting Out

The opening post is probably the hardest. Why do I think it's necessary to inflict my thoughts on the world? I'm not sure. Will this page a focus or theme? Probably not. Occasionally I think the area I study in is the most interesting thing in the world. The rest of the time, I try not to bore everyone around me by talking about it.

It doesn't sound too exciting, and I can't promise it will get better, but something interesting might happen every now and then.