Back to School

School doesn't really start for three weeks, but summer is over for me. Tomorrow is my first, of many, many days on campus before the semester even begins.

Everything is in place for the new TA orientation...I think. Something will fall apart, someone will not show up, and, well, I'll cross those bridges when I come to them.

Last night, at what I consider the first party of the year, I realized this is the first semester that I'm not taking classes. Last fall I didn't have classes, but I did have directed readings, which made it feel like I had classes. Last spring I didn't have classes, but the looming pressure of comps made sure that I still felt like a student. This fall, although I have a dissertation to write, is the first time I'm more teacher than student. I'm not sure I can express how scary that is for me. Two weeks ago I was raving about how sick I am of this process. "Screw the dissertation. I'm ready for the job." Now, the reality that I no longer have a place on the other side of the classroom is sinking in.

Don't get me wrong, this is a good transition. And, really, I am ready for it. It's just that for so long my family, and probably everyone else, have thought of me as the "professional student" that it's weird to think that I am so close to never being a student again.

Yeah, yeah, I know...if I am doing my job well, I will always be a student at heart. It's just not the same as sitting at the back of the class.