Dates, Deadlines, and Daring

Way back in September, when I thought I would get over my summer of procrastination and get to work, I submitted to a fairly large conference in my field that is happening in May of next year. My submission was a part of a panel with Dr. Snarky, Crazy Theory Girl, and Dr. Hippie. Initially, I wasn't looking for a panel, I was looking for some help with my proposal, but CTG scooped me up and incorporated me into her plan. We found out this week we were accepted. It will be so much fun, because the last big conference in my field I went to was in Dr. Snarky's home town. We walked around town and went shopping together. This next big conference in May is in my home state. I'm not a big city girl, so it's not my home town, but I'll have a good time showing Dr. Snarky around.

There is another part to this conference. This particular conference demonstrates a pretty big commitment to graduate students. One of the ways they've done this is to create a forum where graduate students can submit works in progress and receive feedback from some of the Big Names in the field. Remember when I said that back in September I was feeling like I might actually be productive during this process...well, I sent in a submission to bring my dissertation prospectus, and I was accepted. Now, getting accepted really isn't that big of a deal. It was pretty much a first come/first served kind of thing. The big deal is having a draft of my dissertation prospectus by April 15th.

In other places I've been more vocal about my comps-study process (or lack thereof), but I haven't talked too much about it here. That is mostly because I've wanted to indulge in my own feelings of failure and ineptitude rather than really think critically about what is going on behind my issues with this process. And, now that I'm ready to talk about it here, I'm sick of talking about it. The short version is that I've wasted too much time and now I'm cramming. Everyone assures me that I know more than I think I do, and that it will be fine. Intellectually, I'm sure it will. When I meet with the professors I'm working with this semester, I feel fairly good about my progress. I just wish that I was able to get to this point in September rather than now.

The issue that most concerns me right now is that, for some stupid reason, I really thought this process would be generative for me. I thought that as I read I would be making connections and having ideas about what it is I want to do with my dissertation. I'm not. Not even a little.

My friends who have been through this process say that the connections really start to flow towards the end. That makes sense...and in all honesty I haven't been reading like I should be so, not making connections isn't really all that surprising.

The larger issue for me, even before I knew I had to get cracking on my dissertation prospectus, is that I feel even more in the dark about my dissertation project than ever. When I began this process there were three concepts that I felt would somehow come together for me as I read and help me find my project. My lists, even though they were created last minute, were designed to give me broad readings in each of these concept areas. They are doing that, but it's not working the way I thought. Hopefully as I buckle down over break, ideas will begin to flow for me.

This weekend the DH and Cajun Princess both spent time talking with me about my readings/ideas trying to prove to me that I know my stuff. It did help my peace of mind a little. It also confirmed something for me. I generate ideas communally. A big part of my problem this semester has been that I am not working in a community environment. So, in this process that determines my fate I also have to negotiate learning things that I've never been very good at - self-discipline, working in isolation, trusting my own knowledge and ideas.

The good news is actually that deadlines are set. The dates of my exams have been set. I know I need something about my dissertation that will not embarrass myself by mid-April. Having dates and deadlines is actually helpful. Now, it's time to get back to work.

What's going on?

I've actually tried to keep up with this blog a little more than it appears. Unfortunately, I forgot my passwords for a while. Don't ask. If you knew me it really wouldn't be a surprise. So...I re-started elsewhere and considered transferring everything to the new space, but then I realized I'd only really posted there once, today. It was easier to just come back here. Except that I'd really like to still use my spiffy new somedayphd gmail account for everything over here, but I can't seem to change all that around. I'm sure there is a way, but I'll never figure it out on my own.

The short version of all of that is I'm back.

Keeping Up

It really is the wrong time to start this blog again, but when have I ever done anything at the correct time.

I'd like to say I'm in the middle of my comps study, but really I'm approaching the end of it. My exams are not until February, but that feels like tomorrow. There is so much to read between now and then I cannot even fathom having it done in time.

I'm hoping that the occasional diversion of posting will keep me from going completely over the edge.

Over at Rate Your Students there has been an ongoing debate between senior and junior faculty. The latests installment is here. The argument began in the comments at one of my favorite blogs - Reassigned Time. The crux of the argument was a perceived lack of gratitude and loyalty in junior faculty with tenure track positions who put themselves back on the market. At RYS the debate has devolved into whether or not junior faculty, especially those who are a part of gen-x, are guilty of perceiving themselves as special.

RYS is a fun forum, which I typically head to for a good laugh; however, I think this subject deserves more serious treatment. The Cajun Princess and I talked about it in the office yesterday. In everyone's haste to define junior faculty as lacking commitment and senior faculty as rigid and overbearing, no one takes up the underlying issues about the structure of departments and universities.

The profession has changed. The market is ridiculously tight, which means that I will take whatever job I can get...until I can find the one that I want. If departments are really that worried about keeping junior faculty they need acknowledge that the structure of reviews, tenure, and promotion needs to change. Not only is the job market tight, but the publishing market as well. A broader range of publication and scholarly work need to count towards tenure goals and/or those goals need to be readjusted. I realize those requirements differ at every institution, but there are certain goals like book publication that seem to be pretty universal. There are definitely prejudices about alternative forms of publishing that need to be addressed. I pay attention to the junior faculty at my university. I see how hard they work, what kind of work they do, and how it is or is not valued in our department. You don't have to sit on very many committees to see how senior faculty respond to the work of junior faculty.

The discussion that needs to happen isn't about generational divides and job loyalty/security. It is about the nature of the job itself.

The Violence of Language Pt. 1

My morning check of Shakesville led me to this, which makes me so angry right now that I cannot even begin to respond.

As a feminist and a budding rhetorician there are just so many things wrong with this situation. However, after I get past the violence of forcing a rape victim to give testimony describing the situation as sex and intercoure (which imply consent), what disturbs me the most is the fact that the jury will never know that it the words "rape, sexual assault, victim, assailant, and sexual assault kit were banned at the defense's request.

Certainly there is a lot more to say about this, but as usual time is short.

The Real World

What is there really to say about this?

Yesterday the CP and I went to the bar across the street for our regular Monday lunch. The intent was for her to vent about her Romantic P.S. paper that is due today. There are televisions almost always on above the bar. Normally, it’s some sports thing and they are muted. However, when we walked in the volume was up and Fox News was blaring.
We sat and listened until the repetition of the scant details started.

We are fairly close to Blacksburg. In fact there are at least two (and I think actually more than that) people in our department who are alumni of VT. There was also a shooting incident in one of our dorms a few weeks back. One that most of our students (frankly, myself included) seemed inclined to ignore. The CP mentioned, with full irony, that Columbine played a part in her decision to get out of Secondary Ed and go to graduate school. On the way back to the office she asked, ‘What would you do?’ I realized there is not much you can do. If someone enters your classroom intent on opening fire, what are your options?

As a part of this field we spend a lot of time discussion how to make our classrooms feel like safe places for students to share their writing. An incident like this makes all of that seem more than a little quixotic.

There is actually a lot I have to say about the coverage of this incident, but that will have to wait until the semester is over.

It's Easy Like...

Sunday morning at the coffee shop.

The benefit of going to a coffee shop with free wireless is that when you get stuck writing one paper, you can always start researching another.
The hazard of going to a coffee shop with free wireless is that you can procrastinate by reading other blogs/posting on your own instead of doing much needed work.

Paper Status -
Dr. Snarky - In early production. I'm writing about a tv show I love; however, Dr. S hates what I initially set out to do. How do I know she hates it? It was amply demonstrated in class after I read the opening paragraph to my paper. The good part is that I have another approach that I think I like better anyway. It allows me to ditch the lame tv show I was comparing and focus on the fabulous tv show. Due - May 5th

Dr. Chat - Ideas are floating around for adding to the mid-term draft of the paper, but I haven't sat down to really work on the expansion yet. However, I feel pretty good about the ability to expand this paper. Due - April 27th or May???

Dr. Ancient - He accepted my change of paper topic. So, now I have a plan that will maintain the ostensible focus of the class AND incorporate his own language from lecture. I need to spend some time researching/working on this. Due - Draft for Presentation April 26th - Final Draft May 9th (I think).

Wading Through

The hardest part of writing this post has been deciding what is relevant and what is not. I suppose that is really the hardest part of any writing. And, of course, the longer I put off posting the more there is to post. Maybe it works best in sections.

Committees:
Yes, Dr. Snarky is leaving, but she has agreed to stay on my committees. As long as the paperwork is filed by the end of the semester she can stay a part of the committees as a 4th outside person. That means I had to find a 3rd member of the Graduate Faculty to be on my committee. Of course I am not the only grad student working with Dr. Snarky, so within days of her announcement all the other faculty that do even remotely close things had been snatched up by other people. Fortunately, Dr. ____ (it’s too early for a name, I’ll insert one when it comes to me) from related department and I met to discuss a summer reading project and we hit it off. She agreed to be the 3rd person on my committee. (There will be a post about Dr. ____ sometime soon. Maybe that is when she will get a name.)
Of course all of this requires stupid amounts of paperwork to pull off, but it’s do-able and keeps my universe in something close to a working order.

(This gets really long. I tried to figure out how to do a cut, like I can at lj, but it involves codes and things. So, until I have the time to figure it all out, just skip what you want. I'll hide the longer posts later. )


Personal Ramifications
At first I greeted Dr. Snarky’s announcement with mild annoyance. I constructed quick “alternative” plans and thought everything would be fine…of course, it wasn’t. Having done my MA here at M.U., Dr. Snarky is the person I’ve worked most closely with for the last four years. Now, it clearly wasn’t smart to form such a bond with a junior faculty member, whom I’ve known to be unhappy in her job for quite some time; however, she has good friends here, a cadre of junior faculty who have bonded, and I thought she would be able to stick it out until tenure. I cannot quite articulate the hole that her leaving (and the possibility that she wouldn’t be on my committees) created. In reality, I could find other people to do the work that she does with me, but it wouldn’t be the same. She has seen my work develop and as a consequence understands the way I think and write differently than anyone else. She always seems to push my thinking in good ways. The week before last, when I wasn’t sure what would happen with my committees, or who I could get to work with me, was particularly bad. I was on the verge of tears for days. Finally, I ended up in tears about a tangentially unrelated subject in Dr. Snarky’s class, which is definitely a post for another day. Still having everything settled (the paperwork is in the department secretaries hands and lists are on their way to being constructed), doesn’t really alleviate the sadness. I guess this is my first inkling as to why, as the C.P.’s Cool Victorian Mentor puts it, “all my academic friends are on anti-depressants.”

Institutional Ranting
“Our faculty/department is in transition.”
That is the mantra that everyone in the department, grad student and faculty alike, uses to tell themselves that it is all okay.
Our Department Head was hired in two years ago. We’ve made three new hires this year and have, I think, at least two more new hires next year. None of those hires counts towards replacing Dr. Snarky, nor do they account for the two other jr. faculty who did not pass third year/tenure review, and so will probably leave soon. It also does not account for the fact that Dr. Snarky is not the only jr. faculty unhappy here (i.e. more resignations over the next two-three years would not be surprising). Amidst all the retirements, resignations and what not, there are also several faculty members who have received prestigious grants and fellowships that allow them to take leaves and sabbaticals to further their own scholarship (at least two are gone this year, two will be gone next year).

Right now we are a department with heavy faculty representation in an area where there are currently only two PhD students, and maybe 3 MA students, studying. The major areas in which PhD students are studying are not currently well covered by the faculty (and many of those faculty are the ones taking leaves and sabbaticals). This is creating a problem for the students like the CP and I. My search for someone to be on my committees was sudden and unexpected, and I had to go outside the department to ask someone I’d never worked with before to be on my committee. However, the CP, and others who came in at the same time as us, are trying to find faculty members to serve on their committees, and they are having a hard time.

Yes, the faculty are over extended. They are teaching overloads. They are taking on more graduate students. However, when it comes time to make our committees, we should not be faced with a faculty that is routinely saying “no” to committee membership. As I have mentioned before, our program is promoted as a four year program, which means that after 18 credit hours we have to file the paperwork to form our committees. The fact that all the PhD students who came in with the CP and I need to form committees at a time when the faculty is “in flux” is not our fault. There is certainly not the funding available for us to stay on an extra year while they figure it out. Yet, the CP and others have all faced rejection when trying to find faculty members willing to work with them.

Aside from the fact that we don’t really control the timing of when we need to set our committees, what irritates me the most is that this is happening to “our class.” As a class we have really made service to the department and the university a standard for graduate students. Our departmental graduate student association was started three years ago, but it is really this year, under a board membership primarily from our class, that it has really become a presence. (See – In Service to What for some of what our association accomplished) Particularly this year, they’ve focused on making our departmental organization a presence around campus. All of what we’ve done makes our department look good. It makes it look like somewhere worth coming for the paltry stipend that we receive. Yet, the CP and Medieval Woman have been forced to file paperwork with a ‘tentative’ committee, because of faculty issues.

Although my own issues are resolved, it makes me irate for them. The icing on the cake of this frustration is that there doesn’t seem to be any inclination for the faculty to take a look at themselves individually or as a group. The mentality seems to be that once the new hires are complete everything will be fine. There is no recognition that a discussion should happen about why all this new hiring needs to happen. Why is it that jr. faculty don’t want to stay? What is it about this department that is so “collegial” and friendly that gives it such a high turnover?
Granted I am not on the faculty, this conversation could be taking place in some circles; however, I have a pretty good ear to the ground and this conversation doesn’t seem to be occurring. We could/should have an amazing faculty, but we don’t/won’t until these issues are addressed. Until then, what are we honestly supposed to tell the new recruits we are asked to lunch with?