Who am I?

Since I've been stuck at home a lot lately the Cajun Princess came out to have some coffee and chat yesterday. CP is busy reading away her summer getting ready for exams in the fall. She has done a much better job than I did at creating (and sticking to) a schedule that gives her ample time to prepare for exams. Having jumped that hurdle already, I'm trying to be as supportive to her as she was to me. I'm not doing the best at that just yet, but I have some plans in the works.

One of the reasons I'm stuck at home a lot these days is that I'm not really working this summer. Oh, I've been doing plenty for the AD position, but I don't really get paid for that until the fall. The idea was that if I didn't really work, I would get my dissertation prospectus written. Ha! Prospectus...I can't even pick a topic.

There is a project I have in mind, but as much as I think it could work. It also scares me. First, I'm not really passionate about said topic. Yeah, yeah, I've read the books. I know I don't have to be passionate; I just have to get it done. What I think really scares me about the topic, and I think this would be true of any topic, is that it feels like whatever I choose for a dissertation topic is going to define me for the rest of my career. So, if I do decide to write about "Assessing Student Intelligence Using a Lollipop Brand Scale" that will be the only thing I can write about for the rest of my life.

As CP pointed out, that's pretty ridiculous; and, on an intellectual level, I know that. Unfortunately, it doesn't really change the fact that it still feels that way. It feels like a career defining moment. And, as I'm sure is abundantly clear, I'm not so good at defining myself. I want to leave it all open. I want to be undefinable (or, is it indefinable?).

The plan? Well, to start where we always seem to start...writing.

Working it out sort of...

The confusion situation is slowly working itself out. I don't think it will be that big of a disaster, just another example of how communication in our department is less than perfect.

On to other more important things. I meant to write about the Gloucester Pregnancy Pact/No Pact last week when I first heard about it on NPR. Last week what caught my attention and made me want to write was how the interviewer kept asking questions about how these kinds of teen pregnancy rates are usually seen in the inner city. The implication was that teen pregnancy is an urban problem. I have never been to Gloucester, but I'm willing to bet it is a whole lot like the place on the other side of the country where I grew up. The dying industries in town are different, but they lead to the same environment -- communities without a lot of resources, without a lot of jobs, and not a lot for teenagers to do. The lack of jobs, or loss of jobs, leads to strain on relationships, breaking up families, which leaves a lot of young girls looking for someone/something to love. They begin to think that a baby will love them unconditionally. If they have a child, then no matter what, there will always be at least one person in their lives that love them. I have heard this argument made less articulately from the fourteen year old daughter of the man my mother dated at the time.

I am not trying to say that teen pregnancy is not a problem in the inner city. It's just one more way we need to recognize that the inner city and the small town are not that different when it comes to socio-economic problems. I'd also just like to point out that Gloucester is not the only town in the country where it is even possible to think that girls might make a pact of this type.
If you were to ask people in my hometown/family the biggest achievement I made was not going off to college, it was getting out of high school, and town, without getting pregnant

Confusion...

All I can say at this moment is that it sucks when someone else's flakiness results in confusion that looks like your fault. It particularly sucks when that someone is tenured and you are just a lowly TA.

And I thought I wanted this administrative type job.

What I read and Why I read it...

After reading Dr. Crazy's post about Blogging Angst, I've thought a little about what I am doing here...or, more accurately, not doing here, and maybe what I hope to do here. The answer to those questions really lie in the title of this post. I created this space because of the blogs I read. In their own ways each of the blogs on the list to the left inspire me. They make me want to become a part of a community that is larger than the people I see everyday. Don't worry I'm not going to run down the list. There are just a few places that I need to acknowledge.

It all began a little over a year ago when I started reading Shakesville. It started because as a part of a class assignment I followed Amanda Marcotte and Melissa McEwan's resignation from the Edward's campaign. For a while I read both Pandagon and Shakesville, but eventually Pandagon slipped under my radar. What kept me reading at Shakesville was obviously the content, but also the sense of community. It doesn't matter that I've only commented once, I still feel like I know the people who contribute. About that content...I don't automatically agree with everything I read at Shakesville, but everything I read at Shakeville makes me think about myself, my own ideas, and my relationship to the world. So, when I do manage to put up a decent post about something happening in the world, it is because I would like this to be a space where I raise my own teaspoon.

Another inspiration, perhaps one of the biggest, is Dr. Crazy at Reassigned Time. That really isn't shocking given the beginning of this post. What Shakesville does for me in terms of the world and feminism, Dr. Crazy does for me in terms of my profession and work. Her posts, whether they are about the Man-Kitty and Mr. Stripey or Academic Life vs. Personal Life, always make me think about what it is I do and why I do it. They also generally give me hope that I will be able to find a place within this profession that will allow me to find a balance between all the aspects of this crazy job.

I read Shakesville and Reassigned Time nearly every day. Although I know that this space will always be something a little different from those blogs, they are my models for what I hope to accomplish here on a much smaller level.

Seconding...

This was my first season watching Top Chef. While I didn't take to it with the zeal of Project Runway, I enjoyed the show. Seeing this post about Tom Colicchio over at Shakesville just made sure I will watch more closely in the future.

Tom Colicchio definitely deserves praise for standing out in such a messed up aspect of the entertainment industry.